Hopie Clyde...

Croupy croup.....

2012-01-23T16:07:00.000-07:00

So, our little Harper has been sick for about 3 weeks, now. She got croup and then croup again and then got a nasty ear infection. Our poor baby :( She went through 2 steroid shots, and anti-biotic shot, breathing treatments, and medication to fight a yeast infection because of the anti-biotic. She has really had a rough time already this year.

Thank goodness we have a doctor that went in on a Sunday to treat her with the steroid shot and breathing treatments or she would have landed in the hospital, right at the beginning of the croup. She was THAT sick :(

We let her sleep anywhere she would. There were several nights that Randy and I didn't even make it to our bed. I'm sure all parents have had those experiences.

Daddy taking her out for a "cold air walk" outside. She went about a week without a smile, even. It was so sad :(

BUT we're back in business now!!! She's a happy, little bug again!!! Thank goodness we live in a day that we are able to get medication for our babies and have doctors that are educated on how to best treat them.

Christmas Eve 2011

2012-01-06T20:53:00.000-07:00

Christmas Eve 2011. My dad had ONE Christmas wish and that was for all of us girls to get together and have a family picture done. We had our annual party at our house and I'm grateful that everyone could put their differences aside and play nice for one night, like my dad wanted. It was a great night!!!

My parents, all my sisters and all the brothers-in-law.

Left to Right:

Brenda and Glenn Leavitt

Tisha and Dennis Butcher

Blanche and Michael Barnum

My mom and dad

Cindy and Rob Hyde

Launa and JR Farnsworth

Randy and I.

There aren't a lot of times that all 6 of us get together and actually think of taking a picture.

I'm glad we did this year!!!

Our Christmas Letter!!!

2012-01-05T16:06:00.000-07:00

So, every year we do a Christmas letter for our family and friends (that I remember to put the list!!! I may have missed some... oopsies!!!). Here is the one I sent out this year.

Merry Christmas2011!!!

MerryChristmas to our family and friends! I hope this letter finds you happy andhealthy. This year has been full of ups and downs for our little family. We getto see the positive for anything negative that happens and for that we aregrateful!

On Marchfirst, I was having some pretty good contractions and because I have had 3c-sections, my doctor insisted I go to labor and delivery to get checked out.Well, for the first time ever, I was in labor! YIKES! So, 3 ½ half weeks beforeher due date, Harper Anne Clyde made her debut! She weighed in at 7 pounds and11 oz (yes, even 3 ½ weeks early!). She didn’t want to breathe on her own for a few days. She was showingher stubbornness right from birth! Haha! She is great now and no problems atall. She is our little button-nose baby. We ADORE her. I swear, she can do nowrong! Harper just got her first 2 teeth and she flashes those pearly whitesevery time she smiles at us! What a joy she is to our family, I can’t imagineour life without her!

Cambellestarted first grade this year. She’s such a funny girl. Almost everyday shegoes to school, I want to put a note on her that says, “I dressed myselftoday”! She comes up with the craziest outfits, but she feels pretty and that’sall that matters! She is still very “orderly”. She likes things her way and ifwe all give in, she will be happy forever! She has the prettiest eyes on theplanet and I always wish mine we exactly like hers.

Tyler isgetting so big! He is almost 10 and he is in GREAT health! We had to startmedicine again for his reflux (he’s on the same dose of medicine as his GrandpaClyde!), but that is the only lasting heath effects from his CDH. We are sohappy about that! He LOVES scouts. He just got his Bear and now has to wait toturn 11 to work on his Webelos. We are so grateful for his church and scoutleaders and how patient and loving they are. Tyler is in his second year ofsinging in the school choir and is having a great time with that. He’s a crazyactive boy and we love him to pieces!

Maddisonis so grown up! She just tuned 12 and is going to Young Women now! These lastfew months, we have seen quite a change in her. She is super responsible andturning into such an amazing young woman. We enjoy her so much! She lovesbabysitting for my niece and neighbors on a regular basis and is getting quitethe haul of money from it! She loves music and loves singing. She started 6^thgrade this year and in 6^th grade, they go to the intermediateschool. She rides the bus, has to dress out for PE, she changes classes andeverything was new. We were so proud of how she handled the transitions. Shewas very brave!

I amstill a stay at home mommy. I am the chauffeur, the nurse, the therapist, thechef (sometimes), the banker and many other things. After I had Harper, I had aheadache that wouldn’t go away. I went to my doctor and he sent me to aneurologist. After 2 weeks of constant testing, I was diagnosed with a PFO. Awhole in my heart. I freaked out a little when they told me I would have to goto Salt Lake City to have it fixed in July. The surgeon that did my surgery isthe #1 surgeon in the world for doing this procedure. They went in through mygroin and put a big patch in my heart. It was scary and I was awake for thewhole surgery (the sleepy meds didn’t work on me). Recovery was harder than Ithought it would be and getting used to my “new” heartbeat was quite achallenge, but I feel so great now. No more headaches and better than that, Iwont be having strokes. That’s how they are usually diagnosed and I am luckythat I only had 2 clots make it to my brain, but neither of them caused anydamage. There were angels watching over my family that whole time. I am sograteful.

Randy isstill working for Interstate Rock. With things so slow for construction rightnow, we are just grateful that he still has a job. Years of hard work andworking his way up the ladder in that company has made a huge difference in howthings are for our family right now. We are blessed. Randy’s “Elvis pelvis” isdoing good. He has arthritis in it and it bothers him when the weather changesor it gets really cold. He will suffer from that the rest of his life, but hesays it’s not too bad. Randy still goes to the mountain with his family andhauls wood. He LOVES that time, especially with his dad. They are buildingmemories that will last forever.

Randywas released from the Bishopric this spring. He is now in the Young Men’spresidency. He is the Scoutmaster and loves it! That calling was made for Randy!I am a visiting teaching supervisor. I know, it’s an easy calling, but with myhistory of post-partum depression, I needed to make sure I simplifiedeverything I could.

Like thelast few years, I have enjoyed blogging. Although my family might not like allthat I put on my blog, I LOVE it! Hehe! There are posts about CDH research, meflashing the neighbors, bullying, people sleeping in stupid positions, driveway bowling, Para cord bracelets, Harper flipping off the camera, my nephew’sdeployment to Iraq, Randy dancing, anxiety (not because of Randy’s dancing), myholiness, the joys of being on blood thinners, red neck swimming pools,birthdays, holidays, family fun, boobies (no pictures, just lots of talk aboutthem), shooting stuff and lots, lots more. It’s such a fun way for me to document what’s going on inour family and to keep up with the lives of our loved ones.

We hopethat this Christmas season brings your joy and peace and that next year is thebest ever! We love you all and are grateful for the blessings you are in ourlives. Find Randy and I on Facebook, my blog, e-mail or the old fashionedway….. call us!

Love,The Clyde’s

Randy(old), Hopie (not as old)

Maddison(12), Tyler (9), Cambelle (6) and Harper (adorably 9 months)

Clumsy?

2011-12-29T18:48:00.001-07:00

Hey, remember that one time when I fell asleep on the couch and my leg fell asleep but I didn't know? So when Harper started crying and I jumped up and ran to get her in her crib, but I rolled my foot and fell to the ground instead? Yea, I remember that. Then the next morning when I couldn't walk, I went to Instacare and the doctor said I would have been better off if I had broke it? Remember that? Then 10 days later I still couldn't bear weight on it, so I went to the foot doctor and he did some x-rays and saw that there was a bone chip and a crack in my foot? Then he taped my foot. Remember that I went back a week later and the swelling had finally gone down enough for me to put sneakers on and the foot doctor said it would continue heal but it would be a long process? Yea, I remember that part too. Remember that I felt like a total moron because I "sprained" my foot and stuff like that is only supposed to happen to 14 year olds? Yea, I remember that part too!!! Well, at least that's behind me and we're on the road to recovery :) Glad you could remember that story too!!!!

Firearms READY?

2011-11-26T14:05:00.001-07:00

This year, we saved our pumpkin shooting for Thanksgiving when my family would be able to go with us!!! We had A BLAST!!!!

Here is Tyler and I..... he is a good student :) He is right handed but he does a lot of things left handed, shooting a gun is one of those things!!! It makes me happy to see one of my kids shoot the way I do!!!

We could barely get this gun out of his hands!!!

He had a pocket full of bullets and just kept reloading and shooting!!!

Woowoo!!!

Cambelle and Maddison only wanted to shoot for a minute,

but they had a blast playing with the cousins!!!

Maddison looks cute even shooting a gun!!!! I love this picture!!!

Then we went back to Blanche's to eat. The food was D-LISHUS!!!! :)

Starting Harper out early!!! Just kidding, if you know me,

you know my kids don't get Coke till they're one, but she's practicing!!!!

Yes, she is part Albrecht and I'm proud of that!!!

See it? Randy found a tiny snake at Blanche's house. Everyone took turns holding it and I was safe until Brittney said she would hold it if I would. She did and because I'm a sucker for a dare, I held that stupid snake. It TOTALLY freaked me out. What's even better than that? My DAD held the snake too!!! I'm pretty confident that he is more afraid of snakes than anyone else I know!!! SO PROUD!!!

It was a great day!!! We had Brandon and Lacey up from Kingman. Brittney and her boys, Amy and Dan and their boys came up from Vegas. My cousins, Jimmy, Janice and Theron. My mom and dad, Blanche's family and Launa's family. It was a perfect day!!!

We ended the day with Randy's brother, that is a highway patrolman coming up to Blanche's to show all the little boys his "woo woo car"!!! He turned the lights on for them, ran the sirens and even let the kids talk on the PA system, telling "papa to come out with his hands up"!!!!! Such a fun time for everyone!!!!

I hope your Thanksgiving was filled with family and fun also!!!

GOT MILK?

2011-11-22T12:31:00.001-07:00

First off, I want to say that I know I'm about 2 weeks behind on my "thankful" posts. Having acknowledged that, I LOVE that my personality makes it so I don't carry the guilt from not keeping up on those posts. Sometimes doing a blog post is just another thing on my check list and I don't do good with doing things just because I'm supposed to!!! haha!!! So, you may or may not see more "thankful" posts, but if you don't, you'll know why!!!

Now, on to the goods of the day...... When Tyler was a baby, we were in Salt Lake City, in the winter, during the 2002 Winter Olympics, 300+ miles from my family and friends and to say that I struggled would be an understatement.

One day we were in the gift shop at the hospital and I saw that they had bottles that said "GOT MILK?". As funny as those were, I mentioned on the phone to my best friend, Anna that I needed a shirt that said that. I was pumping and pumping and pumping like a mad woman at that point. Not able to breastfeed my own baby, care for him, take him home... nothing!!!! I felt jipped.

Fast forward a week or 2. I don't remember who brought this package up, but Anna had sent up a present for me. I opened it up and this is what was in it.........

Yep, Anna had a t-shirt made for me that says "GOT MILK?"! I can't even tell you how I felt right then. I was overcome with emotion. This was more than a shirt for me. It was a symbol of love. It was the hug that I had ached for from my best friend for WEEKS AND WEEKS. It was something that she did and it probably only took her a couple of hours, but this shirt and the meaning behind it had effected me from that day on.

Every time I have a baby I get excited to wear my GOT MILK? shirt!!! I wont wear it when I'm not nursing, it's just wrong!!!! So, here I am, nursing another baby and I get to wear this shirt again!!!! It makes me happy. Anna makes me happy.

There are some friends that just GET you. That's Anna for me. She knows all about me and loves me anyway! I wish everyone could feel the way I feel when I'm with her. To say we're best friends sounds so.... fourth grade!!!! We've been best friends since we were born and no matter what, she is there for me and my family.

I have a handful of friends that I love to THE CORE. Anna is one of them and it's stuff like this shirt that makes me realized how blessed I am to have such amazing people around me in my life!!!

Day 10.... what a pill!!!!

2011-11-10T13:50:00.001-07:00

Day 10:

Today I am thankful for pills. That's right... pills. This is a picture of the pills that I take every night. It's the most medication I have ever taken in my life. But let me tell you how grateful I am for each of them. I just got back from the cardiologist for my 3 month appointment after my heart surgery and everything is PERFECT!!! I am so happy. I found out I have to be on my blood thinner for another 3 months and I was going to complain about the side effects from the medication (bleeding and excessive bruising), but then I realized how blessed I am to get to take a medication that will keep me from having blood clots and making me have strokes or die.

Let's list these meds and I will tell you why I am so grateful for them all.....

*little, pink pill- Plavix, my blood thinner. As much as I hate how I bleed and bruise right now, it's so much better than getting blood clots!!!

*yellow-Asprin. Not because I'm an old woman (even though I feel like one when I take it), it helps thin my blood also. Most cardiac patients have to take this. Like I said, though, it doesn't make me old. ;)

*big pink pill- Pre-natal vitamin. As a nursing mommy, I feel lucky that there are vitamins that I can take that will help give my baby the healthy start that she needs!!!

*long white pill- my anti-depressant. I get post-partum depression pretty bad after I have babies. I am so blessed to have medication that helps me feel like ME and know that I wont kill random people that bug me ;) It also is a blessing for my family. No one wants "crazy Hopie" around!!!

*round white pill- Ambien (AKA the best drug in the whole world). I didn't sleep regularly for over 9 years. It's so nice knowing that I get to sleep at night and function like a normal person during the day!

*clear green pill- Vitamin D. My Vitamin D levels are REALLY low right now, so my doctor is trying to get that where it needs to be to prevent future problems.

Now, I know that's a LOT of pills, but how grateful I am that I live in a time that by taking those medications, I can better my life and feel how I am supposed to. What a blessing. Having said that, I think those pills are ENOUGH, don't you? :)

Day 9: my 35th birthday!!!

2011-11-09T07:48:00.001-07:00

Day 9:

Today is my 35th birthday. I am grateful for my parents!!! As an adopted child, it changes the way I see the day of my birth. It's not as big of a deal as some other days in my life. It represents the bad and good in my life. I try to focus on the good. My parents have been with me right from the beginning. They have chosen to raise me, love me and do what's right for ME despite wanting to go on to a different phase of life at the time. I'm sure after having a 7 year old (my sister, Launa), the last thing they wanted to do was start all over, but they did and I am grateful.

These pictures are fresh from coming home from the hospital!!

Good times all around, even when in the paper, they called me the "son" of my parents!!! haha!!! To give them credit, I really didn't have hair!!!

Jetette Reviews in High School. Always a fun time to spotlight our parents and how much they did for us to be on the drill team!!!

Our wedding day!!! Lots of love and support from my parents on our big day!!!

A family trip to Disneyland in 2006, we dragged my parents with us!!! SO FUN!!!

They've always been such good sports!!!

I love these 2 so much. They really have GIVEN me life. Without them, I would not be who I am, what I am, have the confidence I have or possibly even be alive.

They are my angels sent from Heaven.

They have never made me feel like I didn't come from them.

I have even always felt like they love me more than my sisters in a way.

So, on this, my 35th birthday, I am grateful for my parents. I hope one day I can be the kind of parent they are. Ever loving, ever supportive and always sacrificing for the well-being of their family.

I LOVE YOU MOM AND DAD!!!!!

Days 7 & 8

2011-11-08T11:55:00.001-07:00

Day 8:

Today I am grateful for the opportunity to breastfeed my babies. I love that special time. I don't do a lot of things good, but I can breastfeed like a PRO!!! It takes a lot of support from my family and friends, it takes guts (not everyone thinks it's a good thing) and above all, it takes love. It is the way that I show my babies that I love them when they are so tiny. I'm glad I live in a day that it is not just ok for me to breastfeed, but encouraged. I have strong opinions about a woman's right to breastfeed in public and anywhere she wants to. I have always wished that someone would tell me to stop, I think they can feel that that would be a bad idea ;) Over the years of me nursing my 4 children, there's a good chance that those closest to me have been flashed, but I am really good at keeping them under control in public!!! HAPPY FEEDING Y'ALL!!!

Day 7:

Today I am thankful for Family Home Evening. I know we don't follow how some people do FHE, but WE DO IT!!! That's what is important. I think as moms, we have enough on our plate. Doing foofy stuff as a family is just more stress to me than I need. We try to just be TOGETHER. Sometimes we go shopping, to dinner, play games or sometimes we just PJ up and watch a movie together. There's not formal lesson, treat or musical number, but our family is putting each other first on Monday nights. I'm grateful for my church leaders that see the value in doing things together as a family on a regular basis!!!

Day #5...zzzzzzzz......

2011-11-05T21:18:00.001-06:00

Today I am thankful for NAP TIME!!!! YEA!!! Me, Randy, any and all of the kids. Together or just some of us. It doesn't matter, it's all good!!! My mom used to say to me when I was younger, "you just wait till you're older, you will BEG someone to make you take a nap and go camping!". I am still waiting for the desire to go camping, but the nap.... I'm all over it!!!

Maddison on Tyler's bed.....

Tyler on the Big Bag.....

Cambelle on the couch with daddy's blanket.....

Harper in my arms after getting her belly full......

And then daddy and Harper....

With a baby in the house, these naps for Randy and I are few and far between, but when we can get away with a little snooze, we sure do!!!

HAPPY NAPPING!!!

Day #4-dorky!!!

2011-11-04T09:27:00.000-06:00

That's right, today I am thankful for a dorky sense of humor. This is how Randy came home yesterday. He said, "go look at my little truck" AKA the rice rocket, AKA modified go cart. As I went out, I couldn't help but laugh hysterically. Apparently Randy found a 4 wheeler flag on the road and decided to bring it home, how better of a way than to put it up like this on his truck? hahahaha!!!! He said, "at least people will be able to see me"!!!! Ohhhhhh dear, I'm telling you, it's our stupid sense of humor that gets us through sooo much!!!! For us, we just have to keep it light and fun!!!

Day #3

2011-11-03T12:31:00.002-06:00

Today I want to express my gratitude to Kraft Macaroni and Cheese!!! That's right, mac and cheese. In all of it's deliciousness. I CAN NOT cook. Really, not at all, but with that beautiful blue box, I feel like a gourmet chef!!! Sometimes I will put cut up hot dogs in it and sometimes as a special treat for myself (because no one else likes it, as no one human should), I will burn and pepper the crap out of some hamburger to go with my mac and cheese!!! YUMMO!!!!! Anyhow, back to cooking your wonderful meals for your family, I will stick with my Kraft!!!

Day #2

2011-11-02T11:36:00.003-06:00

It is super cold today (like 45... burrrr.....) so, today I am grateful for my favorite pink hoodie and my denim quilt that my best friend made for me a couple of Christmases ago!!! Not only is my quilt heavy and denim with pink backing, but it has a GREAT BIG H on the front!!! HOW COOL IS THAT? I love it so much!!! I have used it soooo much. Everyday, I use it!!! These 2 things are the only 2 things when it gets cold that I look forward to!!! I hope you are all having a good day!!!

Month of Gratitude!

2011-11-01T14:01:00.003-06:00

It's November again and it's time to do the Month of Gratitude posts. I know I haven't been a good blogger lately, but my goal is to blog about something everyday of the month of November that I am grateful for. Now, you know me, it's not going to be a traditional list of things. I want to mix it up a little bit this year and think out of the box. So, STAY TUNED!!!!

Day #1

The first thing I want to blog about is Harper. It's her 8 month birthday today, so I think it's a great day to blog about her!!! She is such a blessing to us. She makes me so happy. She is absolutely a gift sent from Heaven!!! She is starting to crawl like an Army man! It's so cute!!! NOTHING is safe anymore!!! She also waves goodbye.... awwwwwwww!!!! We didn't plan on having her, but she has proven to me that some of life's sweetest blessings come when we least expect it!!!

HAPPY 8 MONTH BIRTHDAY, MY SWEET HARPER ANN!!!!

Happy Halloween!!!

2011-10-30T13:43:00.004-06:00

Our ward trunk or treat was last night, so we all got dressed up and went over and hung out with our friends!!! I know some people don't like this holiday, but our family LOVES it!!! It's fun to dress up and act the part. I think it's too easy for my family to act like other people, we might need some mental evaluation!!!

Mrs. Edward Scissorhands...
Michael Jackson....

50's girl....
Scary witch ;) .....
And, the weirdos!!!!

Some of us really shouldn't be let out in public on holidays like Halloween!!! Happy Halloween y'all!!!

Long 2 weeks!!!

2011-10-23T12:10:00.002-06:00

It's been a pretty long 2 weeks. My mom had her knee replaced 2 weeks ago and I have spent a lot of time taking care of her and trying to make my dad's life easier when he gets home from work. This was a hard surgery for my mom. Her knee was a lot more damaged than the doctor even thought. We've had a hard time keeping her pain level within a comfortable range and it's hard to see my mom is such pain. I will get back to blogging once I have caught up on my family things and when my mom is doing better. It's a labor of love. Tune in later :)

Happy birthday Maddison!!!

2011-10-05T13:42:00.006-06:00

Yea, I'm almost a week late, but guess what? SHE'S STILL 12!!!!! haha!!! That's right, my baby girl turned 12 last week. It's so fun!!! She's so responsible and mature. She had a situation the day before her birthday that she stood up to some friends and did what was RIGHT even though it wasn't the popular thing to do. We are so proud of her. She proved how strong she can be when faced with a dangerous and uncomfortable situation. To say we showered her with praise is an understatement!!!

I found some pictures that I hadn't scanned yet from when Maddison was younger. I had to put them on here. She is such a sweetheart!!! We love her so much.

To celebrate her birthday, she invited some friends to go to Anti-Gravity Arena for a couple of hours. It's a really fun place with wall to wall trampolines and inflatables.

From left to right: Maddison, Whitney, Natasha, Lexi and Olivia

Randy and Whitney!!! She just laughed the whole time. It was so cute!!!

Randy and Tyler. You can tell by Tyler's face that it's hard to take Randy serious.

Livvy, Maddison and Lexi taking a break.

Natasha killing it on the dodge ball court.

Cambelle playing dodge ball. Don't let the grin fool you. That girl is COMPETITIVE!!!!

Harper was chillin' as usual!!!

And the birthday girl having a blast!!!

Then we went back to our house for cake and ice cream!!! Of all the cakes she knew that Randy would make for her, she simply wanted a big heart and the number 12 with blue and purple frosting!!! So, that's what she got!!!

It was a great party and a great birthday!!!

She gets to go to the weekly Young Women activity tonight for the first time and I am so excited for her!!! She is becoming such a beautiful young woman and we couldn't be more happy!!!

WE LOVE YOU TO PIECES, SWEET MADDISON!!!! THANK YOU FOR CHOOSING US TO BE YOUR PARENTS.
YOU HAVE BLESSED US ETERNALLY!!!

A happy girl!!!

2011-09-24T22:42:00.002-06:00

I am soooo in love!!! See this man? He's a pretty cool guy. I am lucky to have scored him!!! I count my blessings every, single day!!!!

Redneck swimming pools!!!

2011-09-20T00:15:00.004-06:00

So, in the dead of summer, 110 degrees here in the desert, the kids come up with their own kind of way to cool down!!! This is Tyler and his bestie, Connor. These plastic bins were down and they decided to make them their own, little swimming pools!!!

Days on end, these boys would sit in the bins and fill them with water from the hose. They would just pass the hose back and forth to each other to make the water in their own "pool" cool!!! haha!!! It made me smile so big when I saw them the first time and every time after that!!!

Isn't summer FUN? :)

Germs, anyone?

2011-09-17T14:17:00.001-06:00

So, this week is just confirmation to me that I have a FAMILY. Cambelle and her friend collided at school, resulting in a REALLY fat lip and lose tooth for Cambelle. Maddison has had a tummy ache for about 24 hours now and after a restless night with Harper, she woke up with her eyes matted shut... PINK EYE!!! I guess you can't avoid this stuff, but DANG, I hate germs!!!

WE HAVE A BLEEDER!!!!!

2011-09-13T11:23:00.001-06:00

Being on a blood thinner isn't fun. I know it's not a ton of Plavix and I know it's not FOREVER, but I will tell you, it STINKS!!!! Every night, we play, "name that bruise". Your guess is as good as mine about where most of them come from!!!

Anna (she's been on a HUGE blood thinner for about 11 years now) warned me that it's the small things that will kill me. Potato peelers, cheese graters, paper cuts, ect. Another thing I have learned is that a razor cut isn't just a cut, it's life or death!!! haha!!! I shaved in the shower one morning, got dressed and went into the kitchen to do dishes. I felt moisture on the floor, thought I had spilled water, went to wipe it up and realized that it was BLOOD!!!! A pool of blood on the kitchen floor from a teeny tiny razor cut!!! Nice, huh?

Another thing I have had to learn is not to bite my hangnails!!! It's never been a problem before, but now that I'm on a blood thinner, it could be the end of my life!!! I SWEAR!!! It's so dumb!!! One day I bit a hangnail and it bled for 6 hours and all the way through 5 band aids!!! A few days later, I went to bed with band aids on 5 different fingers from bleeding hangnails!!! I HATE IT!!!

But all in all, I guess it's for the best. I would rather bleed like this for a few months than get a blood clot in my heart from my surgery. It's just a new way of doing things, is all!!!

Be careful of sharp objects!!!!

9-11-11

2011-09-11T21:23:00.004-06:00

10 years after the terrorist attacks of 9-11-01 and it feels like yesterday. I took this picture today at my house right before a huge rain storm. Our lives will never be the same since 9-11-01. My kids will never know the kind of America that I grew up in and I hate that. But, we are a stronger America. I hate that my nephew is over seas right now, fighting and sacrificing for ME. But I'm grateful that he and others WILL.

It may have been 10 years ago, but I will never forget. WE will never forget.

God bless America.

Happy 6 months HARPER!!!

2011-09-01T07:23:00.004-06:00

Wow!!!! Can you believe it's been 6 months since we had Harper? I can't!!! At times, it feels like it has been an eternity and then, at other times, it feels like it's just skipped by!!!

She was not my easiest c-section. It was brutal. I was really tired (probably because I'm older than with the others and also the hole in my heart didn't help, either), in a lot of pain and did I mention TIRED? BUT, I will say that she has been so fun!!!

She has brought a light to our family that I adore!!! She is our new "favorite toy". Truly, we fight over who gets to hold/change/play with her!!! She is such a sweet, little blessing to our family!!!

Her personality is really shining through, already!!! When she's mad, let her be mad. She doesn't want to be comforted, just let her pitch a fit and then eventually she will get over it!!! She likes to babble, she can roll over, sit up really good and recite the Pledge of Allegiance. Ok, that last one wasn't true, but she IS amazing!!!

Randy is pretty excited to see if Harper ends up getting his BLUE eyes!!! The other kids never had blue eyes this long, so we're excited to see if her eye color lasts!!!

I am so lucky to get to have her as my daughter. She is such a good baby. I can't wait to see what the future has in store for her!!! Happy 6 month birthday, Harper. We love you ohhhh so much!!

Our sweet angel

2011-08-29T00:42:00.002-06:00

Harper is such a blessing to our family!!! We love to play with her. The whole family fights over the chance to hold her, play with her, even change her diaper!!! I can't imagine our life without her. She is just delicious!!!

Harper turns 6 months this week and that's hard to believe!! I will post more about it later, but I wanted to put these pictures up now!!!

Not fair ;)

2011-08-24T15:10:00.005-06:00

August in Washington County means FAIR TIME!!!! The fair is always a blast and we look forward to it every year. Randy and I started a tradition when Maddison was a baby that we go out on $1.00 Wednesday. The fair rides are only $1.00 on the opening day of the fair, so our kids know that we go out that day, ride the "live or die" rides and then we don't go back out to the rides the rest of the fair. It's always hot, it's always dusty, the wind blows and you always wonder if you're going to die on the rides (my favorite part).

So, Wednesday afternoon, we piled everyone up and went!!! I was still tired from my surgery and I knew the heat was going to kick my fanny, but the worst part, because of my heart surgery, I would not be able to ride the rides this year. I WAS TICKED!!!! My goal in life is to ride the rides longer and more than anyone else. I'm kind of stubborn that way. I don't get sick on the rides, so it's all thrill for me!!! But here I am, sitting, yet again, while my family goes on rides (4 trips to Disneyland last year when I was pregnant with Harper has me a little bitter).

Here's Randy's family that went out to the fair with us.

Tyler, Randy, Harper, Cory, Mazie, Maddison, Naomi, Cambelle, Jamie and Elijah

I guess I wasn't too bitter because the kids were having A BLAST!!!! This is one of my favorite rides. Gee Wiz!!! I love when you're on a ride and your stomach drops!!! MY FAVORITE!!!

Naomi, Cambelle, Mazie and Maddison

And then we have the BIG ride!!! This ride spins upside down for a long time and I LOVE IT!!! Tyler ended up going on this, like, 5 times in a row!!! He's a die hard. I'm so proud!!!

Naomi and Tyler.... dare devil cousins!!!

You always have to do the kiddie rides! Look how red the kids were, it was about 100 degrees!

Mazie, Elijah and Cambelle

Even though I pooped out easy, I still had a great time listening to the kids giggling!!! The fair is always fun... butt cracks, tramp stamps, missing teeth and all!!!! I love the loud music they play on the big rides, I love wondering how many years the carnies have been in prison, I LOVE IT ALL!!!! Sometimes you just have to lighten up and go with the flow, that's what the fair reminds me to do every year!!!
Happy Fair time y'all!!!

Cambelle turned 6 (gasp)!!!

2011-08-13T03:58:00.006-06:00

This Tuesday was Cambelle's 6th birthday!!!! She wanted to have a swim party at Gina's so she could, "show her friends that she can swim under water"!!! haha!!! So cute!!!

Tyler, Randy, Ashley, her cousin, Ky, Cambelle, Lexi, Reagan, Kelsey, Maddison, Whitney, Odin, Brittney, Cort

Thanks to Gina for being a good sport (again) for using her pool, Cambelle got her wish!!! She invited some friends and some family. We BBQ hot dogs, ate watermelon, chips and Capri Suns before we sang HAPPY BIRTHDAY and had cake. It was a great time!!! Exactly what she wanted. I think by having a summer birthday, she might have a lot of swim parties!!!

I love this picture of Anna and Hadley!!!

Liam and Harper chilling out on the blanket!!!

The kids eating dinner and birthday cake!!!

Time to open presents!!!

Her new, silky, purple nightgown that Grandma Clyde made for her!!! She was SO excited to get this!!!

I think it was a great day for Cambelle!!! She is such a sassy, little blessing to our family!!! She adds spice and I LOVE IT!!!! HAPPY BIRTHDAY BABY!!!! Mom and daddy love you!!!

More to thank.....

2011-08-10T15:46:00.002-06:00

I have been through so much this last 2 weeks. I don't want ANYONE to feel left out of the loop when I am showing appreciation or thanking people. I failed to mention in my post about my surgery, that my Aunt Iva, and cousins Danielle and Elizabeth came after my surgery to visit. It was so fun getting to see them and I appreciate all the love and support they give me. I really hope I have not forgot anyone in this crazy time of my life. I'm sure I have and for that I am truly sorry.

Fluttery

2011-08-04T16:02:00.004-06:00

This is a copy of the ECHO I had done on my heart in the operating room while I was still in surgery. See the spirals? That's the patch. The white lines from top to bottom, that's the wall of my heart that didn't heal. See the dark, big things from side to side? Those are my ribs!!! Cool, huh? Oh yea, and the lead they used on the left side of the picture. This device is in perfectly!!!

So, it's been a week since my surgery. In fact, as I type this post, one week ago, I was laying in a hospital bed in the cardiac recovery floor in St. Mark's Hospital 300 miles from my home. My baby, husband, oldest daughter and parents were in a hotel room 5 minutes away and I just wanted to get the hell out of there!!!

This week has had it's ups and downs. My new heartbeat is weird to get used to. When was the last time you felt your heart beating? Not when you're running, but EVERY-SINGLE-BEAT? It's one of the main side effects that people complain about and I'm learning now why that is. It feels like I'm having a constant anxiety attack. Fluttering. My heartbeat is in my throat. EVERY-SINGLE-BEAT!!! It's not comfortable. But, it's not been a bad recovery.

The drive home was Hell. But being home was Heaven!!! Being with all 4 of my children was exhausting, but exactly what I needed. I've been really tired. And when I hit my wall, there is no words to describe the fatigue. But everyday, the energy lasts longer and my headaches go away for longer too!!! Within a couple more days, I feel like I'll be back to business!!!

I still see stars when I pick the baby up from the ground. I wonder if that has something to do with the blood thinner and asprin I am taking? Could be, I guess? I can tolerate one outing a day, without severe backlash!!!

I have to give a shout out to my ward. They set up meals for Saturday (my visiting teacher, Lori), Sunday was great (Kellie is such a great supporter) and I told the RS that we would be fine. I am so grateful for a RS president that was in tuned and listened to the Spirit. She brought dinner to us on Monday, Tuesday, my sweet friend Theresa brought dinner and then last night Becky made dinner for us. I can't even tell you how grateful I am for this. Let me explain, about 3pm everyday, I TANK OUT. I can't move a muscle. That's when Randy is getting home and I need his help with the baby. So, who cooks dinner? THANK HEAVENS my friends in the Relief Society knew what to do to help. I am all about saying NO to help, but this time, to help RANDY out, I knew we needed to say yes!!! We are so beyond grateful!!! What a blessing!!!!

This week I got all the kids registered for school and some school stuff bought. Cambelle's birthday is Tuesday. I guess I better get some invites out!!!

There's a lot to do, but I feel like I'm getting there. I know I'm slow, but I'm feeling better every day. I am so grateful for Randy taking such good care of us. What a sweetheart!!!

So, one week out..... exhausting, but not too bad!!! I'm glad it's over and I wont be having any strokes!!!

More weeks to come!!! WATCH OUT!!!!

A believer!!!

2011-07-30T12:23:00.005-06:00

I believe in miracles!!!! I don't really know how to write this blog post. So much has gone on and there is so much to recognize and be thankful for. I will do my best.

Before my last post, I have to write about a situation that will be very important to my family for eternity. Randy and his family were giving my family blessings. Comfort, healing, strength, things like that. It came time for Randy to give Harper a blessing. He gave her a father's blessing. There is only 1 other time in my life I have seen this happen, but the man that was giving my daughter her blessing was NOT Randy. It was confirmation to all of us that the power of the Holy Priesthood is REAL. Harper's body is going to be strong and not have any problems from the Plavix that I will have to take for 3 months. That was made clear to us during that blessing. I thank my Heavenly Father for trusting me enough to experience this.

In my last post, the surgeon's office had called with horrible news that I was NOT scheduled to have my repair done on Thursday. To say I was devastated is an underestimation.

We decided that we would go to SLC on Wednesday as planned. Our hotel was reserved, Randy had the time off of work, I had childcare all worked out down here and my parents were meeting us up there. I knew we needed to go, even if we had to turn around and come home.

We got up to the IHC hospital in Murray for my 2:15 appointment.

Miracle #1: They changed my appointment from 4:15pm to 2:15pm. This will be important later.

As we got to Dr. Sorensen's office, I had a good feeling about everything. I didn't know what that meant, but we had been praying for a miracle and I knew things were going to go as they should.

We went back and the first test was to check how many bubbles would go from an IV in my arm, to my heart and then to my brain. They used this "halo"-type device to test it.

A heart without a hole would not have any bubbles go to the brain. So, the testing started and as soon as she put the bubbles in my IV, I saw stars and felt like I got kicked in the head. I heard Randy gasp and the nurse told me that I was "for sure a category 5", the most severe category.

The next couple of tests were also testing bubbles going to my brain. They were all in the severe category.

The bubble ECHO on my heart was next, it showed a very large "shunt" (hole). The more testing they did, the more it was obvious that my stroke risk level was very high. More upsetting than the chronic headache is the strokes that I could have.

This picture is tiny, and I can't make it bigger. The bottom black part should have a divider right in the middle. That's where my hole is. That's a HUGE hole. A lot of times, the holes are small enough that you can't see them on here, and on mine, you can see that it's just missing tissue!!!

After CHEWING AN ASPRIN (I know you're jealous) to help relieve the pain from the testing, we went in to meet with Dr. Sorensen. He came in and talked to me about how bad my defect was. The 3 diagnostic tests came back that I was in the SEVERE stroke risk category.

Why strokes? The blood goes into my heart and instead of going to my lungs (a filtering system) and then to all my body, the blood would go straight to my brain. Any clots that form in my body would shoot right to my brain, causing strokes. On the MRIs I had done, there is some little clots that have already made it up to my brain. Not strokes, because there are no symptoms of stroke, but pretty close. Definitely a pre-cursor to strokes.

So, he talked to us about my risk level and told me that in the U.S., the average is for a patient to have 2 strokes before a surgeon would even look at repairing the hole!?! WHY? This surgeon had actually had a stroke that left him paralyzed for 3 hours. That's when he got his PFO repaired and got passionate to change the way the medical field saw this. He's done over 4,000 repairs to date.

We talked about 2 surgeons that he personally has trained to do PFO repairs in St. George. They've done 2. I didn't want to be #3. But it WAS a possibility to do it at home, at a later date.

He talked to me about me nursing on Plavix. We discussed all the risks vs. benefits (all of which I knew from the last few weeks of research and talking to doctors. Glad I was informed.). He told me to do this surgery that I would have to tell him that I had quit breastfeeding, but it was up to me if I really quit or not. I had the bottles and formula at the hotel with the baby and my parent's. I WAS ready to quit if he said I had to. In a very calm voice, he said again, "if you tell me you have quit, I can do your surgery..... now, if you continue to breastfeed AFTER you told me you've quit, is up to you". He respected all the research I had done. And just the few minutes we were with him, I could tell that he was a rule breaker!!! I like that!!! So, I told him that I quit!!! (which, was NOT a lie BTW. I hadn't fed the baby for 2 full hours!!!) He walked out to his nurse, Heather (the one that said I was unwilling to quit breastfeeding and I wanted to postpone surgery because of that) and told her to get me on the schedule for Thursday (the next day). At this point it is 4:15pm (see miracle #1 If our appt would have been at 4:15 still, that would have put us till 6:15pm before he would have scheduled the surgery and by then, insurance would have been closed and it would have been a no-go). She argued with him that I had not quit. They argued back and forth for a few minutes while Randy and I sat in the exam room, waiting, listening because he left the door open. Their argument ended in Dr. Sorensen winning!!! I was going to have surgery!!!

Miracle #2 Heather started calling our insurance at 4:15pm and had me approved for surgery the next day within 15 minutes!!!! WHEN DOES THAT HAPPEN?

Heather came in and gave me my pre-op information so I would know what to do until tomorrow's surgery. My operation was planned for 2pm at St. Mark's Hospital in Salt Lake City.

Miracle #3 Dr. Sorensen had over booked surgeries for Thursday. He had 9 on the books, canceled 3 and then had just enough room to put me in.

We went back to the hotel and was full of emotions!!! WHAT JUST HAPPENED? I was scared to death, but was looking forward to taking a drug induced nap and not knowing what is going on during the operation!!!

That night, we got to have a good distraction, my Aunt Darlene, her daughter Tammy, and Tammy's girlfriend Sharon went to dinner with us. Their company was PERFECT!!! I was getting nervous and so their fun attitudes were just what I needed!!!

The future was unclear of what we would face. How would the surgery go? How will the recovery be? How will Harper do without me? How will Randy do all this by himself? Those are just SOME of the questions that were running through my head. Still looking forward to the nap during surgery.

We were all pooped Wednesday night. In bed, sleeping, by 11pm.

The next morning, my head was killing me. I got up and ran out for something to eat before my time had passed that I could eat. Then Randy, my dad and Maddison ran to a store for a little bit while my mom, Harper and I hung out in the hotel room. Time was creeping by. Could the nap come soon enough?

1pm, finally time to go. We loaded all up and headed over to the hospital.

Big hospital, HUGE!!! We got lost a few times, but ended up in the Cath Lab area!!! Who did we see on our way in? Julie Leishman and Amy Canfield waiting to say hi to me!!!! These girls are so sweet and it was great to see them at that nervous time!!!

I got back, got hooked up and then found out that the surgeon was running behind. So, my family and my friends came in to kill time with me. They all made me laugh so hard!!! It was the perfect time to get my mind off things!!!

Then it was THE TIME to go back. At this point, it was 4pm. I had to leave my family and I was scared. Last minute kisses. Lots of kisses.

They rolled me back, got me prepped. I had some really dry-humor male nurses helping me. Thank you, that will me my boobs you will see (because of the monitors) and my other place you will see because they go through my groin!!! I bet they get sick of seeing people like ME in there!!! It would be nice to see a super model occasionally!!! It took them quite a while to fix everything up. Machines to scan my body while they put the device in, getting all the surgical equipment in place, making me as uncomfortable as possible. They were great at it. Wondering when sleepy time comes.

Dr. Sorensen came in and told me it was time to go nighty night!!! YEA!!!! I knew this was going to be GREAT!!!! Fentanyl and Versed.... ON BOARD!!!! Waiting, waiting, waiting...... "Ummmm, hello? I'm still awake!!!". Ok, they decide to give me more, the MAX dosage....... "Ummm.... hello? Still awake!!!!". DAMN IT!!!! That's all they can give me. My fears are in front of me. I will be awake for surgery!!!! NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

As it went on, I felt them put the local anesthesia into my groin and felt them cut. Then they did more locals in my vein they were using... OUCHIE!!!! As they thread the tubes up my groin and into my chest, I could feel it. It wasn't painful, but I could FEEL it!!! CREEPY!!! My hands were down to my sides and my right hand was covered in blood from the incisions in my groin.

The surgery took about an hour. They patch they used was a Gortex (surgical plastic) patch, 1" big!!! It was a gigantic hole!!! Everything was a SUCCESS!!!! Dr. Sorensen was quite proud of himself and I was happy with that!!!

I had to lay in recovery for 2 hours, not lifting my head or moving my right leg. That vein needed to seal up (it's about as big as your pinkie finger). I was a good girl and did what I was told :)

They moved me upstairs to room 3S22 for the night. It was loud, really loud. I felt like I was in a nursing home. The night couldn't get over soon enough!!! At 9pm, Randy brought the baby over for me to feed (she was being fussy and wouldn't take a bottle) and then they were off back to the hotel for the night. I knew I would be fine and that Randy would need to help with the baby.

Miracle #4 How is it that my almost 5 month old baby that is exclusively breastfed can have such a chaotic week and come out JUST FINE?

Long night. Really long night.

Randy shows up at 5:30am with Harper. She's ready to eat. Too bad the 7 ounces of breast milk I had just pumped would get wasted!?! I get her fed and then he takes her back to the hotel. At 8, they come in to do my ECHO to check placement of the device and to make sure there's not too much fluid around my heart (can happen with heart surgery). Everything checks out fine!!!

I got a sweet visitor while I was waiting for Heather. My long time friend, Amber. I love her so much. She is so compassionate and kind. Her whole family is. I consider them a special extension to my family. We chatted for a while (we could talk forever!!!) and she was off to work!!! I was so happy to have her come by!!!

Now, we just have to wait for Heather to come in and give me my discharge information. She explains to me that I have a card that I have to carry in my wallet to let emergency people know if anything happens with my heart. It has the size and kind of patch they used. She talked to me about my meds. Asprin everyday and Plavix everyday. IBU 800s will work for the incision pain for a few days and there will be a little bleeding on the site, but it should slow down.

She released me, my regular nurse released me. And we were OFF!!!! We got back to the hotel, I feed Harper again. We got fueled up, packed and we were ready to hit the road. My parents went back to the mountain to camp (I was sooo sad, I miss them so much and I wish they didn't feel the need to go so far to camp.). They will be home in a couple of weeks, so it's not too long, I guess. As we left, it felt like I had been hit by a truck. I was POOPED!!!

The ride home was wayyyy toooo lonnnggggg...... It took us 5 1/2 hours by the time we got the kids and got home. NOT recommended for someone fresh out of surgery!!! But it was good to be in MY home!!!

Friday night I was very uncomfortable. Saturday was a pinch better, but still, no lifting the baby very much, lots of laying down and doing pretty much NOTHING. Sunday morning was the 3rd time in 5 months (all since my PFO repair) that I had NO head pain!!! I felt pretty good. I had energy and no headache!!! That lasted for a few hours, but as the afternoon went on, I got feeling ickier and ickier.

There's part of me that is frustrated that I'm not on my A game yet and then I see the reality that I just had major surgery on my heart!!! I need to chill out!!!!

I am accepting help from everyone. Anyone that asks, I let them help. There is a lot that has fallen on Randy, so I am getting help for Randy, not me. It will take the burden off HIM!!!! It looks like another week of me being run down, so I am being humbled some more. What a blessing it is that we live with neighbors that care that much about us!!!

It looks like my recovery is right on track. I will have a one month ECHO here in St. George and then a 3 month ECHO back with DR. Sorensen to determine the future visits.

Miracle #5 Dr. Becker, my neurologist, is aggressive in getting PFOs fixed.

Miracle #6 I am so grateful for Dr. Sorensen and his aggressive treatment. I can't imagine having 2 strokes before having my PFO repaired.

And the one that started it all out, Dr. Chamberlain.
Miracle #7 He knew something was wrong and sent me to Dr. Becker.

There is so much more that went on. I tried to document it as good as possible, but I'm sure I will think about more. Thanks for hanging in there and reading it all. There have been so many people that have fasted and prayed for us so hard and honestly, that is where the credit should be given. Faith, prayer and blessings. That's why I got my surgery and why it all fell into place like it did. I'm grateful I have no stroke risk anymore. That was scary.

I am a faithful and blessed girl. Anyone that has lived through this with me, wont be able to deny the power of prayer!!! I am so grateful!!!

There will be more blog posts about this, but I needed to get this one going to have the bulk of the info on right now!!!!

Thanks for hanging in there with us!!!

The big day!!!

2011-07-26T22:33:00.003-06:00

Tomorrow is the BIG DAY!!! We go up to Murray to meet with the cardiovascular surgeon. He will go a bubble ECHO on me to see how big the hole in my heart is. I got really bad news today. They called to move my appt from 4:15pm to 2:15pm, while I had her on the phone, I just wanted to double check that I have closure scheduled for Thursday. Well, I'm glad I checked!!! The nurse (Heather) that talked to me last month, but in her notes that I was unwilling to quit breastfeeding my baby to have the procedure and so I was postponing it until I was done nursing her.

THAT IS NOT THE TRUTH!!!!

When I was done on the phone with her, I was ready to stop nursing for the 3 months I would be on Plavix. There are so many things that point to the fact that Heather made a bad mistake (choice). If we wait longer, it will bump into next years medical benefits.... no thanks!!! We have really expensive insurance.There is a lot of reasons and I wont go over them here.

So, now what? I still have my appointment for tomorrow, but the earliest closure available is August 18th. If we wanted to cancel tomorrow, we could do Aug. 17 and 18th. It's a hard choice. My symptoms have stepped it up quite a bit. I started blacking out last Monday. The next step is having a stroke. My hole is a "large shunt PFO", not a pin hole.

So tomorrow the surgeon could make the call that my PFO is large enough that I need surgery right away, or he could say that I will be fine until the 18th when they have an opening. Either way, I am praying for a miracle. A miracle that he can get me in or a miracle that Heavenly Father will take away the pain and threat of a stroke until we can go back up for the repair. This is NOT what I wanted to deal with this week :(

This has been really wearing on me BAD. On Friday, Randy was at scout camp and I pretty much had a mental break down. It was a low that I haven't felt in many, many years. I am so done for this to be over. I'm scared and anxious. I've waited long enough.

Anyhow, that's the latest!!! I will try to keep the blog updated. Thank you for the continued love and support. We really need it tomorrow. I love you all!!!

NO?

2011-07-15T13:15:00.002-06:00

WHO ARE YOU TELLING NO?

So, after my surgery, I have to be on Plavix for 3 months. The cardiology nurse at the clinic that I will have my heart repaired told me that I wont be able to breastfeed for that 3 months. I was DEVASTATED!!!!! I even planned on skipping the surgery until my baby was done breastfeeding, but I realize how important it is for me to get healthy, so I agreed to go along. As I prepare for bottle feeding, I am frustrated, sad and mad. Mad that this choice is being taken away from me... from my baby. It hurt my heart more than that stupid hole ever did. Well, just when I think the world is going to end, I start hearing from people that I need to challenge that nurse's advise. WHAT? Challenge her? Why haven't I challenged her and where did HOPIE go? I don't EVER go down quietly. Why am I doing it now?

So, my mission.... to find out IF I can breastfeed on Plavix and what the harm would be to Harper if I did.

It's scary, super scary, but for some reason, I do not feel like I am supposed to bottle feed her. For some reason I am being guided to the right information and the right doctors that are telling me it's ok to take the medicine and safe to breastfeed on it. Why? Am I supposed to educate the doctors in SLC? I don't know. I don't even know what I will decide yet, but there is so much information out there to support me going ahead and breastfeeding.

So here I go. Searching for more information, more doctor's opinions and then I will pray and ask for our Heavenly Father's confirmation that I am making the right choice. I know I will do what is right for me and Harper. I would never hurt her, so I need to be as well informed as possible when making this choice.

Wish me luck and pray for me!!!!

Not a good feeling.

2011-07-09T23:29:00.002-06:00

Ok, it's 11:30pm, Randy's asleep on the recliner and I decided with 2 1/2 weeks until we go to Salt Lake for my surgery, that I should probably start getting hotel stuff booked. My mom and dad will meet us up there, we are probably taking Maddison and for sure Harper. We are blessed to have a really good friend that works for Marriott. He can get us rooms at a really good rate. Sometimes it works out and sometimes it doesn't, but we always try. So, I get online, browsing around. All the ones Brian can get us are like 10 miles or more away. When I think of being that far away from my baby, my heart starts to race. Then I think of not being able to nurse her after my surgery because of the stupid blood thinner and my heart races faster and then the tears start to flow. I DON'T WANT TO DO THIS!!! I don't want to go up. I don't want to have surgery. I don't want to be away from my baby or any of my other children. I don't want to be a burden on my family. I don't want a broken heart. I DON'T WANT ANY OF THIS. I'm so scared. To everyone this is such an easy thing, you're broken.... get fixed. It's just not that easy for me. I am so damn scared I can't even put it into words. I like my life. I don't want it to change. I don't like the headaches, but life isn't always fun, I can deal with it. Just when I think I have everyone (including myself) buffaloed, my sister tells me on Facebook that she can see the pain in my eyes in this picture.

She's right. This was the 4th of July at my best friend's house. I had been faking it all day long. Trying to not let on to anyone that my head was killing me, but those who know me best KNEW. I know I will get over these feelings of anxiety, but I'm dealing with them NOW and it's REAL and I HATE IT.

Feel the groove!!!!

2011-07-05T08:00:00.001-06:00

There is very few things funnier to me than when Randy is dancing like this. He makes me laugh sooooo hard!!!! That is one of the many, many things that make me love him so much!!! Watch and enjoy!!!! Mute the music at the bottom of my blog for the full effect :)

Happy 4 months, Miss Harper!!!

2011-07-01T23:01:00.003-06:00

Yep, 4 months ago today, Miss Harper entered our family. It was a rough c-section, bad recovery and now I have issues that will haunt me my whole life, but she is one of the sweetest blessings of my whole entire life!!!

4 months ago, I was scared and unsure if I could handle a baby again. Now, I know I can!!!

4 months ago, I didn't know what a special spirit was coming into our family and now I am blessed by her every, single day!!!!

We went to her 4 month check-up today. She is 25 inches long, 15 lbs and 8 oz. She's a fatty and WE LOVE IT!!!!! She got the stuff they give them orally for stomach problems and her 2 shots. She was REALLY mad when they injected her, but before I could start nursing her (30 seconds, maybe), she was all better!!!! Smiles and all!!!! See her little band aids? Awww......

She is such a sweetheart and I can't tell you how much I love her. My sister, Launa used to tell me that my heart would grow with every child I had. I guess I'm at my limit, because this time it grew so much it broke!!!! Yes, that's how much I love our little button nose, Asian baby!!!!

I love this outfit. The onesie is from my niece, Amy and the skirt and headband is from my best friend, Gina!!! HOW STINKING CUTE IS SHE?

Anyhow, HAPPY 4 MONTH BIRTHDAY, MISS HARPER!!!!
Mommy and daddy love you very much!!!!

Yep, it's a big deal

2011-06-28T21:23:00.003-06:00

As much as I'm trying to down play this whole, "you have a hole in your heart" business, it's kinda freaking me out a bit!!! I got my appointment with the cardiovascular surgeon in Salt Lake City for July 27th. If there is a cancellation, I will get in sooner. I will go up on a Wednesday, get the bubble ECHO done by the surgeon (it's the test I had done down here that showed the hole, they want to do it themselves up there to see exactly how bad it is and not just trust someone else) and depending on how bad it is, I will probably go in the next morning for the procedure. I will have to spend that night in the hospital. I found out today that the surgeon is #1 in the the WORLD for the number of repairs he does and the success rate. And here I was complaining about going to Salt Lake!?! People come from all over the world for him. I Googled "PFO repair" and Dr. Sorenson's site was at the very top of the Google search. I am feeling a little better about this!!!

I got bad news today. I can't breastfeed while on the blood thinner that I have to take for 3 months after I have the surgery. I am a HUGE breastfeeding advocate and this is killing me. I talked to my doctor and I will give Harper formula for that 3 months and let my milk dry up (3 months is a loooong time to be pumping). After that 3 months, he will give me a medicine to help me bring my milk back in. I am a total Jersey cow, if anyone can do this, I CAN!!!! I should be a wet nurse, my milk is so good. I don't want to start pumping because that will just make weening her even harder on me physically. I feel that formula is really good now and in this situation, it will be just fine for my sweet baby. At least that's what I'm telling myself in hopes that I start to believe it!!!!

I have calmed down a bit. I get a little freaked out sometimes. I am enormously overwhelmed, but there is nothing that can be done to help that. When I get nutso, I have to remember that I'm not the only one going through this. I can't even imagine how this might feel for Randy. It makes me cry. But I have to give a big THANK YOU to everyone that has stepped up with love and support. Blog comments, e-mails, Facebook comments, phone calls, prayers and just general support. I am surrounded by so many wonderful people. I have said it in the past and I still mean it, I don't deserve the love that I've got through this hard time. My friends and family are truly the best there ever was. Just when I feel like I'm going to die because of anxiety, someone stops by or calls or any number of other forms of showing support and love. I am genuinely blessed.

We will get through this. I can do this. I've never been afraid of anything before in my life, this sure as hell is not going to change me!!! My doctor actually said today that he doesn't know any 2 more stubborn people in the world than me and the neurologist he sent me to (think that was planned? I do!!!). I took it as it was meant, as a compliment. He is such a great doctor and I'm glad he's on my side.

I found out that I can keep doing normal stuff without the fear of danger. I was afraid of passing out when I was driving and crashing. Dr. Chamberlain assured me that it was pretty rare for that to happen and to resume regular activities. Well, as regular as chronic headaches would allow!!!

So again, thank you for the love and support. It is helping me so much. I am trying to be tough, but sometimes reality sinks in and I'm scared to DEATH. But I do know that with Randy by my side the whole time, I will be ok. If you knew what this poor boy had to deal with on a daily basis, you would know that he is an angel on Earth!!!! I know that we will get through this and be stronger because of it. I know that.

So, Harper, what do you think about mommy not nursing you for 3 months? Be honest.......

That's what I thought!!! haha!!!!

A broken heart.

2011-06-26T01:56:00.004-06:00

Sounds sad, huh? It is.

I have had headaches for 3 1/2 months now and sometimes they gets so bad I can't take care of my family. Nothing helps, NOTHING. I have done everything and anything that people have told me to do to fix a headache. My General Practitioner sent me to a Neurologist when everything he could do for migraines wasn't working.

Dr. Taj Becker is her name. She's not a nicey, nicey girl. She is an investigator. She gets to the bottom of what's going on and gets it fixed so you can have normal life back. I have so much confidence in her.

The last 2 weeks, I have had
*an MRI
*an MRA
*a bubble ECHO
*ultra sound on my the arteries on my neck
*lots and lots of blood work
*pulse ox sleep test at home
*follow up with Dr. Chamberlain

Then Friday was finally my follow up with Dr. Becker. She was going out of town and wanted to get me going on any treatments while she was gone. Mind you, my headaches (that are NOT migraines) were still going strong. The pain never gets below a 4 on the 1-10 pain scale. And then there are times it just takes my life over completely.

Going over all the results of the tests, she got to the bubble ECHO test and asked if any of my family had holes in their hearts. Not that I know of (and after some research on the Albrecht, Jorgensen, Memmott, and Hughes sides, no family history of it). The bubble ECHO showed that I have a shunt, or a hole in my heart. Shunt basically means wrong blood flow. So, my organs are not getting the oxygenated blood like they should and the headaches are my body's way of saying that something is wrong.

She said unfortunately they are unable to do the tests or the repair down here, we would have to travel the 300 miles to do anything further in Salt Lake City. As you can imagine, I freaked out!!!! I have a 3 month old baby and 3 other kids, it's my kid's summer vacation, we don't have money that we want to spend to go to SLC, blah, blah, blah. I kind of just shut down.

I asked her if I could go to a cardiologist down here first. She informed me that there would be nothing they could do. NOTHING. It would be a waste of my time, but in my mind, there was NO WAY I was going up north, so I can just see a cardiologist down here.

I got an appointment with my GP, Dr. Chamberlain on Tuesday and then the Cardiologist down here, Dr. Price on Wednesday. I just thought we could do that for now and see how we feel about it all. I was in major denial and didn't want to know that my heart was broken. I was mad, confused, scared, really scared and yet still wanting these headaches to go away. Overwhelmed in a major way.

Saturday, my mom called their good friend that a year ago had passed out driving a school bus of children and crashed. Thank goodness, no one was hurt. He had the same thing as me. Dr. Becker's tests found it on him too. He went up on a Monday, they did another bubble ECHO and saw the hole. He spent the night in a hotel, had surgery the next morning. They were able to go through his groin and patch and sew up the hole in his heart. He spent that night in the hospital and then came back home to St. George. He had some weight restrictions for 4 months, 20 lbs. He had discomfort, not pain and now he feels like a new man. This is great news.

Friday I was so freaked out. But after talking to Paul, I'm feeling much better about it. I'm still scared as hell, but maybe I can do this. I don't want to be a burden on my family, I don't want people to worry about me, I don't waste my kid's summer cuz "mommy's sick" and now my mom and dad have postponed their trip up to the mountain to camp because of me. Pride is getting in my way, but hopefully that will go away as I get used to what's going to happen.

I'm still confused and angry. I've never shut down like that. It wasn't comfortable. I don't want to do that again. So, we'll see how the week goes and how I feel. The Neurologist has the orders written for me to go to SLC, I just have to say the word and we'll be up there. I need a minute to get used to it.

All of this from some damn headaches. I'm grateful that we got it before I passed out and crashed my car with my children in it or anything else that could have gone wrong. I am being blessed by catching it now before anyone gets hurt.

I am grateful for the amazing family and wonderful friends I have that are carrying me through this already. Not many times in my life have I ever lost control, this was one of them. I didn't know what I was doing and where to turn. It didn't last long, though!!!!

Thank you for your support. I will keep everyone updated as good as I can. I'm still trying to calm down over the fact that my heart is broken and will need to be repaired. Doesn't that happen to "someone else"? I guess that's me!!!!

Keep my family in your prayers. I don't think this is going to be easy for any of us. We will rely on our Heavenly Father to get us through it.

Sorry this post is super long, but it's a lot of info. Until next time!!!!

Stuck.

2011-06-23T23:18:00.002-06:00

At times my headaches get completely unbearable. This is one of those times. I am so grateful for Randy's work. I am so grateful that he's been getting so many hours lately, but there he sleeps, Harper is fussy tonight and here I am in extreme pain. What am I supposed to do? I'm going to take some pain pills, drink a Coke (people say it helps to dilate the blood vessels in my brain) and pray. There's sure been a lot of praying happening, but prayer sure doesn't seem to help this pain. NOTHING seems to help this pain. All I want to do it cry, but that hurts too bad. I'm really getting sick of it. I've been as patient as I can be. I feel stuck and I don't want to feel this way anymore.

Busy and tired!!!

2011-06-22T17:17:00.004-06:00

No, I have not fallen off the face of the Earth!!! haha!!!

A lot has been happening in our family. I have been trying to get all the testing done that my neurologist has ordered to figure out my chronic headaches. I have been at doctors or clinics constantly the last 2 weeks!!! Lots of diagnostic stuff going on. I go to the neurologist again on Friday and we'll have a lot, if not all of the results back. I feel like if I'm not running around then I'm too tired to do anything!!!! I have a lot of confidence in my doctors and feel like this mystery will be solved soon.

Harper's growing like crazy and I'm having a blast with her!!!

Harper in her Bumbo seat, or her "Buttbo" as Tyler calls it!!!

Cambelle is getting 3 molars right now, so she's crabbier than usual (yes, that IS possible).

Tyler is spending almost everyday playing in the water in our backyard.

And Maddison is just relaxing and enjoying her Summer, so far!!!

Randy is HOT!!!! Well, he works construction and it's 102 degrees outside right now. WHAT DID YOU THINK I MEANT? ;) hehe!!! He's been getting a lot of hours lately, which is nice for our bank account, but bad for family time. He is wiped out. He has been going to work at O'dark-thirty. Between 3am and 4am everyday!!! YIKES!!!! He works so hard for our family.

Anyhow, I hope you are all doing good. I know a few of my friends are having big struggles right now, so hopefully the rest of you are happy and healthy. Until next time.....

MY baby!!!!

2011-06-13T00:07:00.002-06:00

After almost 12 years of hearing, "Oh my word, your kids look just like the Clydes" and thinking I might not have had anything to do with their conception or birth, I got this picture of Harper in her stroller at the splash pad.

Look close.......

Now we all know that she IS my daughter!!!! hahaha!!!! Have a good day!!!

Answered prayers.

2011-06-09T23:53:00.002-06:00

I can't give a lot of details, but I found out some information today to confirm to me that our Heavenly Father listens to us and knows us. He will never let us down. He will take care of all of His children. I am so grateful for a loving Father that I can count on to keep His children safe. When we can do no more, HE takes up the slack. I am ever so grateful.

Goodbye Chuck

2011-06-07T21:27:00.002-06:00

My nephew left on Saturday with the 222 National Guard Unit, the "Triple Deuce". I had the opportunity to take pictures of them the day before he left. These pictures will be treasured by many, especially my niece and her boys. I am so grateful for Chuck and all he does for us. It's not easy, especially this time. This is his 3rd deployment. He goes to Iraq this time. We wont see him for a year. I HATE it. I am so proud of him and of Brittney, but they have 3 little boys this time. Liam is only 3 weeks older than Harper. That will make a HUGE difference this time. I'm glad I got to do these pictures. I hope you enjoy them as much as I did!!! MY PHOTOGRAPHY BLOG

A work in progress.

2011-06-03T00:39:00.004-06:00

I've been so emotional lately. I am trying my hardest to stay out of the grips of postpartum depression. It takes amazing effort for me every, single day. I am trying to be aware of how I treat people and remember that what I say effects people. I suck at a lot of things, but damn it, I am doing my best. I guess that's about all I can do, right? Please be patient with me and know that I am doing my best. I really am. Everyday when I wake up, I try to make the day better than the day before. I will continue to work on this, I hope my loved ones will stay by my side to see me through these trying times.

AN INFANT?

2011-06-01T23:27:00.003-06:00

Ok, I am having some issues today. Harper turns 3 months today and medically, that is when she crosses over from a "newborn" to an "infant". I am trying not to cry.

She is such a fun baby. She is all girlie, the sounds she makes are girlie, she is really flirty, oh she is just delicious!!!! She doesn't like the car, she doesn't take a Binky but she does have an opinion!!!! But you have to talk to her to get her to tell you it!!!!!

She is so perfect in every way. I keep pinching myself that maybe this is just a dream!?! She brings such joy to our family. I never knew we were missing anything until she came!!!! So, I look forward to the trouble she will be getting into in these next stages of life, but I will sadly miss the NEWBORN stage!!!

Happy 3 month birthday!!!
I LOVE YOU HARPER!!!

From the heart...

2011-05-30T21:37:00.003-06:00

This last couple of weeks has been kinda crazy in my family. A couple of weeks ago, my dad was having these shock things happen in his chest and thought it was his pacemaker. They went to the ER and NOTHING was found to be the problem!?! It was not his pacemaker. He got into his cardiologist and this week had an angiogram. During the angiogram, they found 2 arteries that were blocked. Thank goodness they were able to do stints on both of them. While in there, the doctors found that one of the arteries was "well over 90% blocked". They still can not explain the shocking thing that was happening to him, but it got him going to the doctor and found those blockages. The one blockage would have catastrophic effects if they wouldn't have found it when they did. THANK YOU to the Holy Ghost that did all He could to get my dad into the doctors to find this problem. I'm not ready to lose my parents yet.

Then my mom has been having weird health issues. She went to her GP thinking she had pneumonia and instead, he diagnosed her with congestive heart failure. Kinda freaked us all out. She has been through a battery of tests and is still being tested, but they can't figure out her health problems. It's pretty scary when my mom doesn't feel right but no one knows why. But they are still trying.

This is hard for me. I don't like thinking of my parents as getting older. I know it's better than the alternative, but still, I HATE IT!!!! My parents have always been "go get hers", so for them to be slowing down is just part of the reality that they are getting older. We are really close to my parents, physically and otherwise. We only live 4 minutes apart, and I LOVE that!!!

I guess I will just enjoy ever second I get and not live with regrets. That's my plan!!! I love my parents with all my heart and I am grateful for the time I get with them!!!

BTW, check out the song. It's one of my favorites. Don't You Wanna Stay by Jason Aldean and Kelly Clarkson.
I always coordinate the songs on my blog with my latest blog post.
It's one of my favorites BIG TIME right now!!!

Mmmm..... delicious!!!!

2011-05-26T21:54:00.003-06:00

Sometimes, it's the little things in life that make me the happiest!!!!!!! Yep, like this girl!!! Boy, do I love my Cambelle!!!!

She's sick today and she said to me,

"mom, why do we have to have sickness? It doesn't help anyone.".

I couldn't agree more!!!! She's feeling a lot better tonight, but it's sure been a bad day. Hopefully tomorrow she will be all better!!!

Randy's bracelets

2011-05-23T20:10:00.004-06:00

Randy doesn't like to have idle hands. When he's not busy, he's not happy. He plays around with different craft kits that the kids get and when he saw these paracord survival bracelets, he knew it was something he would love. They are made out of parachute cord. He started out by making one for him and then it has turned into this.....

Yes, that is 100 paracord bracelets!!! That doesn't count the ones he has made for me, the kids, his brothers, his nieces, and other people!!! He taught his scouts last week how to make them and it was a total hit!!!

He makes them in solid colors....

2 solid colors.....

3 colors......

Black ones....

Camo ones.....

And white ones.......

He has had a great time making these bracelets. He plans on selling them at his mom's booth at the Peach Days celebration in Hurricane over Labor Day weekend, but seeing how popular they are, maybe we will make an ETSY store or something like that!!!

He really does it for fun and loves making them for people he loves. The kids wear them with pride and when he sees other family members with them on, it just makes him happy!!!! What a crafty dude!!!! HOT!!!

Never again!!!

2011-05-21T23:31:00.002-06:00

On the list of "things that suck", I would put getting an MRI at the very top!!! That was TERRIBLE!!!! The doctor gave me Valium to take before I went because I'm so claustrophobic, well, I could have taken a whole bottle and it wouldn't have been enough for me to be comfortable in that torture chamber. I've never denied that I'm a sissy, but this was just too much. If I never have to do another one in my life again, it will be too soon!!!!

Anyhow, the tech said that my doctor would have the report on Monday at 10am, so hopefully I get word pretty early next week. I was in so much pain yesterday before the MRI that I think it was Heavenly Father's way of getting me to follow through with it!!! He knew that I wanted to back out, but gave me the reminder of why I'm doing it!!!!

Today was not any better. It was a pretty bad day as far as pain goes. I'm hoping tomorrow is better. This is getting harder and harder everyday. So, here's to hoping things get figured out, and FAST!!!!!

Tata!!!

FINALLY!!!!

2011-05-19T14:50:00.003-06:00

Since I had Harper, I have had horrible headaches. When I say "horrible", I really mean it!!! I am not usually a headache girl, but something has changed and it's kicking my butt!!! I talked to my doctor, he thought at first it was hormones and that it would even out. 2 weeks later, I was still struggling so he ordered a CT scan to check it all out.

I was confirmed, I DO have a brain!!! And nothing showed up on the scan that could be the problem. Next step is an MRI. I had to wait for the insurance company to pre-authorize it. 8 days later and lots of pain, we finally got the go ahead!!!

So, tomorrow I will get the MRI to get an even better picture of my amazing brain. I have done blood work and all of it came back within "normal" range on everything. If the MRI is clean, then the next step is to go to the anesthesiologist to see if it has something to do with my spinal when I had the baby. Sometimes they have to do a "blood patch" (pretty much a spinal tap) to fix the headaches. I can't imagine having another one. I'm such a baby, but if it takes the headaches away, I'm all for it!!!

The pain is all day, everyday :( It's really starting to get to me, so I hope we can find something.... and soon!!!! It's been pretty miserable, so I'm pretty happy that we're a step closer to finding out what's going on!!! WAHOO!!!!!

Now, if I could only not be claustrophobic for the day!?! Wish me luck!!!

Time for Summer!!!

2011-05-18T14:16:00.004-06:00

These are the kid's spring school pictures!!!! Next week the kid's school is officially over!!!

WELCOME SUMMER!!!!

I love summer break because there is no schedule to follow. We are either swimming, eating Popsicles, having a lazy day, sleepovers or going to Vegas. It's so great to get to spend time with our kids without interruption!!! They all love school, they love being with their friends and the challenges that come with being in school, but they also dig summer break too!!! One more week!!! I CAN'T WAIT!!!!

Girls rock!!!!

2011-05-16T20:57:00.003-06:00

Music has always been a big part of my life. I love how it can effect my mood and help make memories and bring people together. In general, I think that the world is so hard on women and girls. It's so unfair and it only brings us and our girls down. We're never pretty enough, thin enough, smart enough, spiritual enough, make enough money, have a clean enough house, ect... You get my point, right? Well, there has been a few songs lately that I have come across that have made a huge impact on me.

Who Says by Salena Gomez is one of those songs. She talks about being perfect and who says you're not? Who's standards are so important that we put ourselves down according to them? She sends a message of just loving who you are. Don't worry about what other people say. It's uplifting and just pure and clean. I love it!!!

Not Like the Movies by Katy Perry is one of my favorites lately also. She sings about how if you're in a relationship and it's not perfect, it's not worth it. If it doesn't feel right, it's not. Get out!!! I love that it sends the message to girls and women that they are worth the finer things in life!!!

Perfect by P!nk sends such a strong message to girls that you are beautiful the way you are. No one can tell you different. You are important and perfect. The lyrics have the "F" word in it, so I found the edited version of the lyrics, but if you listen to it, you will get the point of the whole song.

These songs are ones that I want my girls to learn and love. I want them to get the messages to all these songs and live them. I also want my son to know that this is how he should treat women and girls. He is quite the tender boy, so I don't think I will ever have a problem with that, but we all need to remember how important to our Heavenly Father and he would never want us to feel bad about ourselves.

Anyhow, that's our music time for the week!!! Enjoy!!!

What a big day!!!!

2011-05-08T00:18:00.006-06:00

Today is a day for DOUBLE celebration!!! It's Mother's Day AND Randy's birthday!!!!

Mother's Day is such a fun reason to celebrate!!! My mom is absolutely the best mom for me that I could imagine!!! I always knew that my mom would kick any one's ass if they messed with any of us girls!!! I LOVE THAT!!! She was never in it for popularity, only to protect her daughters. That means so much more to me everyday. She is such a toughie, she never gives up and yet, one of the most sensitive people I know. I am so blessed to have her as my mom!!!

Then we have Randy's mom. Really, the best mother-in-law in the world. Believe me, I did a survey!!! She is so supportive. She tries her best to be fair and is successful. She shows love with all of her heart. I feel that she would do anything for her family. She would go without, she would be uncomfortable if it made her family happy. What an example to me!!! She was a great mom, but she's turning out to be even a better grandma!!! How lucky am I to have her? I count my blessings regularly.

Other than the moms, there are so many other "mothers" that have shaped who I am. From my grandmas, to my aunts, drill team adviser, Young Women leaders, sisters, my daughters and the list goes on. I have always thought that women have a very special place in this world and all the women that surround me in my life only confirm that!!!!

Now, without my mother-in-law, we wouldn't be able to celebrate for another reason today....

RANDY'S BIRTHDAY!!!!

I love this man so much. When I met him over 15 years ago, I would never have known what an absolute treasure I was going to have as a husband.

He loves his children.

From shooting a gun, to drawing, to decorating a cake and more, he teaches our children.

And don't forget the one on one time that he takes with all of us to make us feel so important.

He takes his priesthood responsibilities very serious.
(And look how unbelievable gorgeous he is!!!)

He loves this nut job unconditionally!!!

Look at those BEAUTIFUL BLUES!!!

I knew right away that there was going to be a lot of fun being with him!!!

And not a lot of seriousness!!!!

I didn't know, though, how fashionable he could be.... I'm still waiting :) hehe!!!

I love Randy for everything that he is with everything that I am. He lifts everyone up that he's around, especially me. My heart still races every time I see him and every time he calls. I love him so absolutely. I hope I can make him feel as special on his birthday as he makes me feel everyday!!!!

Happy 37th Birthday, Randy!!!
I love you more every, single day!!!!
Thank you for being you and making so many people happy!!!!

I LOVE YOU!!!!

Harper's blessing day!!!

2011-05-01T18:06:00.004-06:00

Today was a big day for our family.
It's the day that Harper got to receive a name and a blessing from Randy.

In our religion, when babies are born,
they get to have their names put on the records of the church.

The way it is done, typically, is the dad gets to give them a name and blessing in church, surrounded by other men that hold the priesthood.
There were 11 of our loved ones in Harper's blessing circle today!!!
It's kind of a big deal. She's kind of a big deal!!!
We get to dress the baby up in her white dress,
pretty white bow and if she's our baby girl,
she gets a pretty bracelet for the occasion too!!!

Harper didn't cry a bit and Randy gave her a beautiful blessing!!!

After the blessing, it was testimony meeting, where church members get up and share what they believe in and experiences that have lead them to believe the way they do.
We got to hear some sweet testimonies today.

Then we all went to our house for a luncheon!!!!
Here are Hadley and Harper!!!
Since Anna and I are best friends, it's only fair that we insist that our kids are also besties!!!! :)
Chatting with family and friends is always a good way to spend the day!!!

And don't forget who this day is all about!!!! I guess she didn't want to burp right then!!!

And at the end of the festivities, these beautiful people are the ones that matter the most to me!!! I am so blessed to have my family.
I can't believe that our Heavenly Father has trusted me with His children!!!
I hope I don't mess them up too bad!!!

Happy blessing day, Harper!!!! I love you, my sweet baby!!!

My beautiful baby girl!!!

2011-04-27T22:34:00.006-06:00

I took these pictures of Harper in her Easter dress from Randy's mom. Then when it comes down to it, I don't even look at the dress because I'm just so in love this beautiful baby!!!

I can't begin to tell you the love I feel for this sweet piece of Heaven.

She turned 8 weeks just yesterday.

I love all of her tiny, baby parts!!!

Maddison has been making these bracelets for us, she couldn't leave Harper out!!!

FIST BUMP!!!!! haha!!!

Perfect in every way!!!

And full of attitude!!!!

She is such a bright light to our family. I never knew we were missing anything until Harper arrived. She's been waiting to come down to our family. I will never doubt her role. She makes me slow down and enjoy as many moments as I can. For that I will be forever grateful!!!

I love you baby girl!!!

Fun family time!!!

2011-04-25T14:25:00.005-06:00

This has been such a fun weekend!!!! It started out with some of my family coming up from Vegas. Joanna, Marc and their daughter, Savanna came up to meet Harper and spend the day with us. It was a BLAST!!!!

Then, my Grandma Albrecht, her brothers and sisters came for the weekend. It's an annual thing for them to get together and play the whole weekend. My kids call them, "Grandma Albrecht and all the other Grandmas and those 2 guys"!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Hey, for little kids to remember a bunch of names of Grandmas that all look the same and the 2 guys that come with them is pretty hard!!!! I don't think "the Grandmas" or "those 2 guys" mind too much!!! We got to see them on Thursday and Friday!!!!

Other than this weekend being Easter, my niece, Brittney was also blessing her baby, Liam. So, Brandon and Lacey were here from Kingman, AZ and Amy and Dan were here from Vegas!!!

This is how Brandon says, "I LOVE MY AUNT HOPIE!!!" haha!!!
Some people are so offended by other people flipping the bird, but not my family. It's just funny to us!!!!
And sometimes, it's even looked at as a compliment!!!
That's how we know we are being thought of!!! haha!!!

On Saturday, we all loaded up and went to Zion for the day!!! It was Lacey's first time, so we were pretty excited for her to experience it!!! We hiked and laughed and ate some sugar cookies that Blanche made. We took Lacey through the tunnel for her first time and then ended up at Blanche's house for an egg hunt with all the kids!!!

What a great day!!! I can't think of anything I would rather do than spend a day with my family!!! The love and respect we have for one another fills my heart!!! I was sad that more of my sisters couldn't experience it with us!!! Launa has to work on Saturdays, so she couldn't come. I was super sad.

Sunday was Liam's big day!!!! He is 3 weeks older than Harper. His dad, Chuck, is in the Army and will be getting deployed again in June, so it was great to have him around this weekend and to see the priesthood in action. I am so lucky to be surrounded by men that honor the priesthood!!!

It's weird to think that next week is Harper's blessing!!! I got her dress last weekend in Vegas and can't WAIT to see her in it!!!
Here's to a great weekend with great people and great thoughts about our Savior and that he lives again!!! I hope your Easter weekend was as fun as mine!!!

Shopping baby!!!!!

2011-04-21T23:32:00.003-06:00

Last Saturday, I got to have one of the funnest days I can remember EVER!!!! My niece, Brookie, is going on a mission and needed to go shopping, so we all piled into my car and made a day of it in VEGAS!!!!!

It was me, Blanche, Brittney, her baby, Liam (9 weeks old), Harper (6 weeks old), Brookie, Brookie's friend, "Shorty" and Amy. We had such a blast. We shopped and shopped and had really good success. Not only did the missionary get some cute clothes, so did the rest of us!!!

Harper and Liam.... the stars of the show!!!

I was a little nervous about taking Harper. She was too little for the stroller we have, but we would make do. She did ok for being so young, I think!!! You should have heard all the people when we would walk into a store, they would coo at the first baby and then they would see the second baby and it was like they had never seen a baby in their whole life!!!! So fun!!!

So fun to have a pink one and a blue one!!! Best of both worlds!!!

We laughed and laughed. In fact, we laughed so hard we cried a few times!!! When Brookie wanted to know how to "get down" (she meant the elevator), Brittney and I thought she wanted to know how we "GET DOWN". So, there we were, dancing in the isles!!!! Another fun time was right after that when we got on the elevator and Blanche announced to everyone that we were "GOING DOWN"!!!! hahaha!!!! It was great fun!!!!

We all have the most supportive husbands ever. None of them put pressure on us to get home or to not spend money or anything else that a husband could make a big deal about. We are all so blessed!!!

We got to eat lunch at Macayo's (my favorite) and then more shopping!!!! It was late by the time we got home, but boy oh boy did we ever score!!!

Blanche and Liam!!! He was such a good boy!!! Blanche wasn't all that bad, either!!!

Harper struggled to go to sleep. This stroller is too big for her until she's about 4 or 6 months old!!!
We made it work, though!!!

Thanks for letting me crash your party, Brookie!!! The only thing that would have made the day better would be having mom, Launa and Lacey there to join in on the fun!!! It really was a day that I hope I never forget!!!! I love you so much!!!!!

The season....

2011-04-18T18:59:00.002-06:00

Ecclesiastes 3:1
To every thing there is a season,
and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

Randy's season is over. He got released from being 1st counselor in our bishopric yesterday. Our bishop has been in for 5 years and it was time for him to be released. It's such a bitter/sweet thing. Randy has absolutely loved serving in this calling. I have loved seeing the blessings our family has received from his service. It's going to be hard to get used to him being around more. I am going to have to re-train him on how we do things on Sunday morning and also how to sit with the family during Sacrament meeting!!!! He might be more of a problem than the kids!!!! haha!!!! When you get released from a calling that you love, it's always a little scary to know that there is a new calling just around the corner and you might not like it!!!! But Randy always makes the best of what he gets called to. He's such a good example to me!!! I just have to say, it's been a neat experience having him in the bishopric. A time I will always cherish. We have a really cool new bishopric that I can't wait to see them in action. They will be AMAZING. So, just remember, to every thing there is a season, and a time to every purpose under the heaven.

When hearts communicate....

2011-04-09T17:48:00.005-06:00

Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH) is a severe birth defect that occurs when the diaphragm fails to fully form, allowing abdominal organs to enter the chest cavity and preventing lung growth.

CDH occurs in 1 in every 2500 pregnancies. This equals to a baby born with CDH every 10 minutes. Over 600,000 babies have been diagnosed with CDH since 2000.

CDH is as common as Cystic Fibrosis and Spina Bifida.

50% of babies born with CDH do not survive.

The cause is not known.

We had an amazing experience yesterday. For the first time in the 9 1/2 years since we've had a child diagnosed with a diaphragmatic hernia, we got to meet another set of parents that had lived through CDH also. This is Melanie and Josh Hensley. They have not 1, but 2 beautiful daughters that were diagnosed with CDH. Sadly, their story is a lot different than ours. Both of their angels were in the 50% of children diagnosed that it was fatal. They earned their wings and are watching over all of our CHERUBS from Heaven.

We met through CHERUBS on Facebook. Their family owns a vacation home in St. George, so they come down often. We made the promise that we would meet sometime.

Well, that sometime was yesterday. Josh and Melanie came to our house to visit and as soon as they walked in the door, I felt something magical. It was as if our souls were speaking to each other. A horrible, life threatening diagnosis that only the parents that have got this bad news would know how it feels. Randy and I knew that they knew how we felt and vice versa. Even though they have a different ending than we do, we had been through so much of the same stuff. Same hospitals, same beloved doctors, same rooms, same fears, same hopes, same faith and at times, the same heartbreak.

We talked for a long time about their stories and about ours. It was amazing to know that we didn't need to say a word, we both knew what we were feeling.

I hope that we were able to give them some hope. Tyler's story is remarkable. He has re-written medical books with his recovery. In Melanie and Josh's case, since they have had 2 CHERUBS, they have a 25% chance, every pregnancy of having another CDH baby. Not good. But there are good results out there to give everyone hope. Our story, Tyler's story. It needs to be shared and offer everyone with the CDH diagnosis a hope that good things can happen.

I can't finish this blog post without a big THANK YOU to Dawn Williamson and her son, Shane. Sadly, Shane also earned his wings and is no longer here with us on Earth, but because of Dawn's will to help and raise awareness, we have CHERUBS. Without CHERUBS, we would have been lost and there is no way we would have ever met Melanie and Josh. I wish Dawn knew how much she has effected our lives. She is wonderful. I love her with every piece of my heart.

I am so grateful for the opportunity to meet this wonderful family. I hope only the best for them and look forward to staying friends with them forever!!!!

Bowling anyone?

2011-04-07T22:04:00.002-06:00

What happens when you're 9 months pregnant, it's raining for days, you're nesting and don't know it? Clean out closets!!!! During my adventures, I found a left handed bowling ball (don't ask why I have one)!!!!

So, what do we do with THAT? GO DRIVE WAY BOWLING!!!!! It was so fun!!!!

When we were done, we put it in a special place in the shed to keep for more future drive way bowling!!! Fun times!!!

The old CHOP-A-ROO!!!

2011-04-06T16:23:00.000-06:00

About a week before I had Harper, I got to take the girls to have their hair cut!!! They had been asking for a while to get it done, but because of how sick and pregnant I was, it got put on the back burner. We don't get our hair cut a lot in our house, I don't know why. I am such a minimalist when it comes to foofy (yes, that's a real word in my vocabulary) stuff like that. I don't wear much make up, don't do a lot with my hair and my girls are dealing with a mom that doesn't make that stuff a priority. Sorry girls!!! Anyhow, my good friend, Angie is our hair girl. We love her to pieces and we're always so happy with the way we look and feel when Angie gets done with us!!!

Maddison was first!!!

Then Cambelle!!!!

How fun is it now that they have a 3rd sister that will get to go with them in the future!!! It might be long enough till we go next time that Harper will be going with them!!!
Just kidding, not that long!!!

My baby burrito!!!

2011-04-02T16:07:00.004-06:00

Harper has not been sleeping. She turned one month yesterday and it's been a LONG month with no sleep. I have justified it by her being early and how many newborns sleep anyway? But when I say NO SLEEP, I'm not messing around. She was waking up at 11pm and staying up till 5 or 6am. NOT GOOD!!!! We tried everything we knew. All of our kids have liked to be swaddled, but not Harper. She also is anti-binkie and that is so foreign to us!!! She wont take one AT ALL!!!! Weird. Anyhow, I was putting her to sleep anywhere she would sleep and I would zonk out even talking on the phone to people. Yea, it's been bad.

Sleeping in any one's arms.

In the chair.

In my bed
(yes, she rolled onto her tummy by her self, so I sat there staring at her to make sure she was still breathing, but she was sleeping, so I was NOT waking her!!!).

On the couch with her face smashed up to the back (she also did that herself).

Well, a few nights ago, I decided that I was going to swaddle her whether she liked it or not. It's worked for the other kids and I was desperate, so she was going to learn to like it!!! Wrapped her up like a burrito and there was no turning back, she slept like a champ that night!!!! Only waking up every 2 hours to eat and then right back to sleep!!! Night #2, same!!! Night #3, SAME!!!!! I think we're on to something!!! I can't tell you how happy I am. I have really been trying to stay on top of my postpartum depression and it's almost impossible when there is no sleep happening, so this is really a good thing!!!!

Why do I second guess myself as a parent? How dumb!!! I'm just glad she's figured it out, for now at least!!!! Happy sleeping, y'all!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY DAD!!!!!

2011-03-30T16:15:00.004-06:00

Today is my dad's 72nd birthday and I just wanted to wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!! He is the coolest dad a girl could ever ask for, the best father-in-law and a grandpa that puts others to shame!!! He raised 6 girls most of the time in a house with only ONE BATHROOM and is such an amazing dad for girls!!! When people ask if he's sad that he never had any boys, he always tells them that he wouldn't trade any of us for a boy!!! He makes everyone around him feel loved. He is a hard worker. Most of the time when he was raising all of us, he had many jobs at once, just to make ends meet. He's been in the National Guard, he was a meat cutter, he was a custodian at Dixie High School for a hundred years, he drove school bus at the same time, they owned a security business at one point and my parents were the original owners of Pete's Taxi here in St. George. He's had a lot more jobs than that, but those were the big ones. He is loved by so many people and for good reason!!!! I am blessed to have him as my dad and I'm happy to wish him a HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!

I LOVE YOU DAD!!!!

Tired anyone?

2011-03-29T18:01:00.002-06:00

See anything wrong with this diaper? Apparently, Harper keeping me up the entire night for the last 4 weeks is starting to get to me!!!! Just so you know, a diaper put on in this manner will NOT hold pee!!!! :)

Talents

2011-03-27T15:44:00.003-06:00

Randy is so talented. I am always amazed with what he can do with his hands. He can build houses, finish concrete, he's an artist, he decorates cakes like a pro, he has the strength and knowledge that makes him a great lumberjack (a man with a chainsaw.... rarrrrrr), he makes para cord bracelets and among a lot of other things (including making beautiful babies with me), his latest adventure has been making log beds. He mad a headboard for our bed and then he made a full queen bed for my aunt and uncle. He got the wood off Kolob and with just his spare time and no training at all, made this!!!!

The absolute beauty and workmanship of this bed can not be seen in this picture. It's really amazing. I love that Randy has so many talents and can do anything he puts his mind to!!!! So cool!!!

Raise your hands!!!!

2011-03-26T20:15:00.003-06:00

I throw my hands up in the air sometimes, saying
"A Y O, gotta let go"!!!

Good lookin babies!!!!

2011-03-24T16:37:00.005-06:00

I got these pictures together of the 4 kids and me (mine was already on the computer and I don't care to take the time to find one of Randy right now). I was stunned how much we all look alike!!! I guess we are all related!!!

Hopie 1976

Maddison 1999

Tyler 2002

Cambelle 2005

Harper 2011

Cambelle wins the FATTY award, but the rest look so much alike, it really surprised me!!! I guess once you get a good mold, you don't mess with it, right? :)

Cambelle style....

2011-03-23T17:22:00.003-06:00

This is how Cambelle went to school today. There are a lot of days that I wish she had a sign blinking over here that said, "I DRESSED MYSELF TODAY"!!!! My sister dressed like a moron when she was a kid and one of her teachers told my mom one day (when my mom was apologizing for the way my sister came to school) that is was Blanche's way of expressing her creativity and to not hold her back. Now, Blanche is one of the most talented and creative people I know. So, I guess I will let my 5 year old dress like a weird-o!!!!

Sweet words....

2011-03-22T08:06:00.004-06:00

Maddison: "Mom, I just never knew I could love someone so much that I just met. She's just so.... perfect."

Me: "I know, Maddison. I know."

Do you hear that?

2011-03-19T22:17:00.001-06:00

Did you hear the screaming? If you live within 50 miles of St. George, you probably did. Tonight was Harper's first real bath and to say she's not a fan, is an understatement!!!! But I bet she'll get used to it, just like everyone else!!!

Lovin on the baby!!!

2011-03-18T20:58:00.004-06:00

It's been lots of fun for all of us to love on little Harper!!! She is so snuggly and yummy, we just can't help ourselves!!!

We've had lots of visitors, here are some of the fun times we've had!!!!!

My mom and Harper!!!

My niece, Amy. She's holding my other niece's son, Liam and Harper!!!! She's such a natural!!!

Maddison, Tyler and Cambelle can't get enough of their new baby sister!!!

Holly and Harper, we're going to miss having Holly around to play :(

Don't leave Randy and I out!!!! We like to share in the love fest also!!!

My Grandma Albrecht and Aunt Vicky were some of the family members that came to meet Harper!!! It's great to be surrounded by family and friends that love us so much!!!

Randy's brother, Cory. He loves his nieces and nephews!!!

Yea, you could say that we're enjoying ourselves!!!! Our family has really had a blast with this new, little addition!!!

A surprise delivery!!!

2011-03-15T22:55:00.002-06:00

It's a.........

GIRL!!!!!!

Harper Anne Clyde!!!

Wow... what a 2 weeks it's been. On Tuesday, March 1st, the whole day was weird. I had been having contractions off and on all day, but they were different than the ones I had been having in the past couple of weeks. They felt more intense and, well, different. As the day wore on, I was having a hard time controlling myself during the contractions. We were outside talking to our neighbor and one hit me and I felt like I was going to pass out. I came in the house and Randy followed, by the time he made it in, I could barely stand I was in so much pain. He fed the kids and I tried everything to get comfortable. Nothing helped.

I was getting a little nervous because for the first time in my life, my cervix was not posterior and I was starting (barely) to dilate. That has NEVER happened, so I decided to call my doctor to see what to do. He called me right back and told me to go to Labor and Delivery and get checked just to make sure everything was ok.

So, we got my mom and dad to our house and off we went. It was about 9pm and we were planning on just being a couple of hours. Randy hadn't showered from work yet and we didn't think that was a big deal because we were coming right home.

Well, what we didn't know is that I was in labor, real labor and to prevent me from having major complications, we were going to have a baby that night!!!! When the nurse brought in the paperwork and clothing for Randy, I asked, "what is that for?" she said, "we're going to have a baby tonight!!!". I totally started crying. I was NOT ready. We called and got my parents and sisters there and started texting people to tell them that it was time. It all happened so fast. I hated it. I was scared and nervous and didn't want it to happen this way. Not 3 1/2 weeks early, that's for sure!!!

The spinal went better than ever before but the c-section was a rough one. I had scarred pretty bad with Cambelle's c-section, so it was tough getting through all of it and Harper was WAY up in my ribs. It was quite a challenge to get her out. For the rough surgery, I would pay the price for WEEKS to come.

I was so relieved when it was announced that she was a girl. I was secretly hoping for a girl and our family felt complete as soon as it was announced!!! 7 pounds 11 ounces 19 1/2 inches long and PERFECT as can be!!!

Because she was so early, she had a hard time breathing on her own. They shipped her off the NICU right after I got a good look at her. Randy and my mom kept coming in and very calmly telling me that she was ok, but struggling. I was not worried at all. I knew that everything would work out.

They had to put her on a CPAP machine to force air into her lungs. Her lungs were sticky because she was early. They couldn't inflate good on their own, so she needed help.

So, here we are, I'm in my room, recovering and we are shuttling back and forth to the NICU. I never got to have her in my room, but I spent as much time with her as my body could handle. It was not easy, my body was having a rough time. But I had to. I was helping with everything I could. She couldn't nurse at first, so I started pumping until she could. Eventually, she started figuring things out and was on her way!!!
The kids got to go into the NICU to see their baby sister!!! They couldn't hold her, but they could look at her and touch her!!! I'm not sure this was a good idea, after they left the hospital is when things got really bad for them. They got really home sick and just wanted our family together. Me too.

Look at her hand, smashed up to the crib!!!

The tape really tore up her face, poor baby :( This is her first time wearing real clothes!!! Not bad for hospital clothes, right?

This picture doesn't even begin to show how exhausted we were!!! Randy was running overtime, trying his best to take care of the other kids, get stuff ready for us to come home, deal with a wife that was in extraordinary pain and be there for his new baby girl. It was hard, really hard.

One day, she pulled her NG tube out!!!! So they left it out!!! GOOD GIRL!!!!
(I was maybe trying to talk her into that!!! Nursing babies do better without the feeding tubes)
After a full 3 days in the hospital and lots of talks with this little girl about what she needs to do to get home, we were on our way!!! It was GREAT!!!! Finally, our baby will be OURS and we get to go home!!!!! Heaven!!!

Here's Randy walking out with Harper and our nurse escorting us!!!
And finally.... home!!!! It was a rough ride, but we are glad to be together and not worry about anything else!!!! She is such a blessing to us and I can't remember being without her. The night we got home, everyone left and it was just us. As we said family prayer, I couldn't control my emotions. She was here and our family was better than ever. It's a feeling I can't explain. I just felt whole. I'm so glad things are going well.

I will update as often as I can!!! This blog has been 10 days in the making!!! It's like I have other things to do, all of a sudden!?! Anyhow, count your blessings, I know we are!!!!

Our new arrival!!!!

2011-03-07T23:27:00.003-07:00

It's a.....

GIRL!!!!!!

Meet Miss Harper Anne Clyde

Born on March 1, 2011.

7 pounds 11 ounces, 19 1/2 inches long.

3 1/2 weeks early.

She did not come when we were planning, but it just shows that she has her own agenda and we are learning as we go!!!! There is a lot for me to post, but I will start here so I don't feel like SUCH a slacker!!! She is such an angel. We are so blessed to have Harper and so many other wonderful people in our lives. Stay tuned, more to come!!!

Bodies!?!

2011-02-28T23:16:00.003-07:00

My friend just did a post on Facebook that made me think about something that happened a few years ago in our family that makes me laugh every time I think about it.

Tyler was about 4, so Maddison would have been 6 or so and Cambelle would have been a newborn.

Awwww..... look at my little man!!! That seems like so long ago!!!

We went to Vegas for Thanksgiving weekend and decided to go to The Bodies Exhibition. Randy and I knew what we were in for and we were really excited to go see how the human body really works.

When we got there, we were going from room to room and were just AMAZED at how cool all these bodies had been preserved and to see how everything looks on the inside. We are not the kind of people that get grossed out very easy and we've never sheltered our kids from stuff like this, it's just a part of life, we believe.

One of the parts I loved the most was to see the internal organs and show Tyler a diaphragm and explain to him that his diaphragm was what was broken in him that made him so sick when he was born. It was so educational for all of us.

So we go from this room, everything was going great!!! Really amazing!!!! Then Tyler (yes, my child) says, "WIENERS!!!!! Why are there wieners EVERYWHERE?"!!! And, no, it was not in a quiet voice. We saw the other patrons snickering at how cute he was and explained to him that more of the people that donated their bodies were men. And to be fair, at 4 years old, where is his head, yep, crotch level.

Then..... the female reproduction room. Real bodies of fetuses at different stages of gestation, all the reproduction organs, stuff like that. We didn't think a THING about it until, in his not so quiet voice (actually, it was loud, almost like a celebration), Tyler throws his arms in the air and says, "FINALLY!!!! SOME BOOBIES!!!!!!". Oh dear, we laughed sooo hard!!!! The people that heard him complain about the wieners were the same people in the room when he celebrated the boobies!!!! It was great!!!!

It's times like those that I realize that my kids ARE part of me and not all Randy. Randy and his family would NEVER talk like that, but me? Oh yea, I'm all over it!!!!

What a great memory!!!! One I hope I never forget!!!! If you have ever thought about going to Bodies, I would strongly encourage it!!!! You never know what might happen!!!!

Nesting?

2011-02-26T16:11:00.003-07:00

Nesting? I don't think so. I think we call this the "this baby is going to come in 2 weeks whether you are ready or not" panic mode. There is nothing gentle or maternal about the way I have given parts of my house an enema today. Now, I will have contractions for the next 3 hours, but I got a lot done!!! WAHOOO!!!!!

OH CRAP!!!!!

2011-02-24T10:20:00.002-07:00

Wait.... hold on..... I'm going to have this baby in 2 1/2 weeks?

WHY DIDN'T ANYONE TELL ME?

*breathing in and out, slowly*

I'll be ok. I'll be ok. I'll be ok. I'll be ok!!!!

The end.

2011-02-22T09:36:00.003-07:00

Today was another review hearing for the family member's baby that we fostered last year. Maddison spent the whole night throwing up and I had to decide if I should make arrangements for her so I could go to court. Randy and I decided that there is nothing more we can do for this sweet, little boy. We have nothing more to do with the case, other than to be there and hear for ourselves what happens (which will be nothing). We always leave mad because the state doesn't do what is obvious to help this baby out. They never will. I don't think his parents will ever pull their heads out and do the right thing, either. So, for us to go is simply just to know what is happening and not just get lies and half-truths about it.

We decided, as a couple, that I would not go. It was not easy, but we feel that Maddison is our responsibility. She is our child and it's our job to take care of her. It is probably time for us to be done with that whole situation. It's been over a year and all it's lead to is heartache and fights. I'm ready for people to take responsibility and do what is right and I have no faith that it will ever happen, so we're done.

Last week, I feel we had one last chance to help this little boy. There is a review being done on his case and I was interviewed. I was able to be very honest about how I felt about the case worker and the family. It was good to have my voice heard for once and for someone to care why we feel the way we do about this whole process. I'm sure when the case worker and family find out what I said in the review, I will be a lot less popular than I am now and I really don't care.

My mom taught me that if I'm going to say something that it should always be something I would say to that person's face and RIGHT NOW I would say it all to their faces, so I have nothing but good feelings about it.

For the last 14 months, we have been put through a hell that I didn't know even existed. We have always tried to do what was right for the baby, but you can only fight the system for so long. They don't care, they never will. So, it's time. Our family will not suffer anymore because of this. It's a choice we have made.

Thank you all for your support and understanding. It's not easy, but it's what is right.

Congrats Brittney and Chuck!!!

2011-02-21T06:54:00.004-07:00

My sweet niece and her sweet husband just welcomed their 3rd boy into their family last week!!! This baby has been waiting for the RIGHT moment to make his appearance and we finally found out when that was!!!! It was last Friday, the day before my brother-in-law's 50th birthday, the grandpa!!!! This little one is already showing us that HE is in charge!!!!

When Brittney has babies, it's so much fun!!! We invade the Labor and Delivery floor and just enjoy the whole process!!! We laugh and cry, we're nervous and faithful. We show fear and faith, all within a few hours!!! I think my niece is amazing!!!! He husband works for the National Guard in Draper and made it home with only a couple of hours to spare!!! That's why he's in uniform, either that or he wanted the baby know EXACTLY what his last name is!!!! I think Chuck is cute in his uniform!!!

WELCOME Liam Coulter Taylor!!!! He is perfect in every way and sent straight from Heaven!!!

These pictures are MY FAVORITE!!!! My parents are so proud of their granddaughter right now, but even more excited that they get another great grand baby!!!! Look at the pure joy on their faces!!!! It's a palpable happiness they share with us!!!

Here's my sister, Blanche!!!! You can't tell she's a proud Nana, can you? I can't imagine what it's like to see your daughter deliver a baby and see the strength she has and then see this little miracle in your arms!!!! SO COOL!!!

It was a really fun day and I'm glad I got to experience it with them. Just for fun, we took this picture of Liam next to my belly. He was 8 pounds even and I feel like that's how big my baby is already and still have 4 weeks left when this picture was taken!?!

Congratulations again, Brittney, Chuck, Odin, Cort and baby Liam!!!! I love you all so much!!!

Guess what? I'm NEXT!!!! EEEEKKKK!!!!!

The zipper method

2011-02-17T16:03:00.005-07:00

So, it's less than 30 days till this baby is going to make it's appearance!!! I have to admit, having my 4th c-section is FREAKING ME OUT!!!! With Maddison, I labored for over 18 hours and because of failure to progress (my cervix is rebellious and wont open), I had my first c-section, or zipper method as I like to call it.

On the way to the hospital with Maddison!!!

With Tyler, at 39 weeks, my cervix was still closed, long and thick. Because of his health condition, we weren't willing to try a VBAC and had my 2nd zipper method.

Minutes before being taken to the operating room to have Tyler.

Then Cambelle, I had my doctor check my cervix before my scheduled c-section at 39 weeks 5 days, still closed, long and thick!!! DANG CERVIX!!!

Randy in his "moon suit" when we had Cambelle!!!

Now here we are with #4. I DO NOT like having c-sections, so I'm going to do all my whining now and hopefully only be able to see the positive side of them once I'm done with this post!!!!

Why I hate c-sections:

*the spinal SUCKS!!!! It's crunchy and hurts like a mutha.

*in recovery, the shakes and itching is uncontrollable.

*on the ride up to my room, every bump feels like I'm being stabbed in the guts.

*standing up the first time is so painful I want to die.

*walking for the first time is horribly painful.

*when I take a shower for the first time, it feels like my guts are going to fall out of me.

Things that are nice about the zipper method:

*I get to schedule when we will have the baby, so if there's a cool date or day, we can do it then!

*I will be able to shave and paint my toe nails before I go in because I know when I'm having it!

*no baby coming out my vagina (I think women that have vaginal births are amazing).

*Randy in a sexy "moon suit"!

*my mom and Randy crying out their blue eyes, looking down on me in the operating room after the baby is born!

*no pain sitting down!

That's about all the nice parts I can think of, but hopefully I will think of more and not freak out about it!!!

This is my current state. Don't laugh, I'm sure your mom taught you it is rude. Just keep chanting, "less than 30 days....." over and over!!!

UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE!!!

2011-02-12T21:56:00.002-07:00

After my last post, you would think that was enough for me to lose my mind.... NOPE!!!! Last night I spent the night with Cambelle crying like crazy because of a UTI. Went to the doctor today and YEP!!!! UTI and a throat infection. BEAUTIFUL!!!! Let's do a run through of my day now....

Randy still not feeling well.
Me taking diabetic medicine in the morning. Checking my blood 2 X a day.
Maddison on a hella expensive anti-biotic 2 X a day.
Tyler taking his reflux medicine at night.
Cambelle taking an anti-biotic 3 X a day.

Add a hormonal, pregnant mom on top of that and I really am THIS close to losing my mind.

I know that there are a lot of people out there that have it a lot worse than me, but this is about enough for me. So for now, I'm crying "UNCLE UNCLE UNCLE!!!!!".

Giving winter THE BIRD!!!!

2011-02-10T15:35:00.003-07:00

This weekend was pretty eventful. Mr. Clyde (that's what I will refer to Randy in this post, because he was NOT Randy this weekend), who never gets sick, got a horrible respiratory infection. It has been super-duper cold (for St. George), he sprayed a professional grade lacquer finish on my aunt and uncle's wood bed (even though it was outside, there was NOT good ventilation) and then we dusted the bells that I collect, all 300 of them (we might have forgot he is highly allergic to dust) and all of that in combination with a virus he picked up somewhere, landed us in Instacare on Sunday morning.

We have amazing friends that dropped everything to come over and give Mr. Clyde a blessing (thanks Cam and Paul) and I learned an important lesson that morning. Sometimes the blessings aren't meant only for the sick person's benefit. Something really neat happened that morning and I'm glad it did.

By the time they took us into see the doctor, there were 23 people in the waiting room (at 9:30am) and the doctors were debating if they were going to send him to the ER... yes, it was THAT bad.

They looked in and up all the holes in his head, did a chest x-ray and ended up sending him home with a cough medicine and strong anti-biotic and strict instructions that if it gets worse, we need to get him to the ER. So off we went.

It was Super Bowl Sunday and my family was going to come over to our house. That got canceled and later I was very happy about that. He slept and coughed the whole day. He got a pretty bad fever and after 2 hours of it going up when I was aggressively trying to lower it, the on-call doctor at our clinic called me and told me to give it 3 more hours. At this point it was 103.3 NOT COMFORTABLE for any of us. Within that next 3 hours, it broke completely (thank goodness, I was so worried).

As the night went on, the fever came back and he was dripping wet all night. In the morning, he knew he couldn't go to work, so for the first time that I can remember, due to illness, Mr. Clyde took a sick day. He rested all day Monday and went to work on Tuesday. He was wiped out when he came home. BAD.

So, here we are on Thursday. I got sick, Cambelle got sick, Maddison is sick and on an anti-biotic, but the good news is that Randy is starting to feel human again!!!! It's hard seeing him SO sick!!! I'm glad it's over for him.

There is so much crud going around right now. No wonder our kids wont be able to come in the hospital when we have the baby, I guess it's better. But I'm ready for winter to be over and all of our friends and family getting healthy again!!! NO MORE!!!! Hopefully your family isn't too sick right now too!!!!

Frustration

2011-02-07T20:15:00.004-07:00

The above machine is affectionately referred to "the prick" by me!!!!

I am so frustrated right now. I am trying my hardest to keep my glucose levels down and I've been really good at it, but one bad test makes me feel horrible. The fact that I have gestational diabetes makes me feel like I have failed my baby. All I have to do for this baby right now is take care of my body and I failed. I really just want to cry. I hate this. I hate knowing that this could be a game changer for this pregnancy. It scares the crap out of me. Anyhow, I know it will be ok, I'm just feeling really down right now. So, I'm going to go pout for a minute and then return all better!!!! Thanks for listening!!!!

Yummy...

2011-02-05T08:18:00.002-07:00

See that guy in that picture with me? I love him a LOT!!!!

It's not easy being married to me normally, then let's throw on old, fat and pregnant. Then let's throw on all the pressures that come with pregnancy, getting diagnosed with gestational diabetes and feeling like I have failed my baby because of it. How about being super tired and not getting anything done that needs to be done, forgetting stuff and other things that go with a pregnant brain. Then we have the fear of post-partum, I get it with every baby and it's getting worse with every one. Randy is the one that takes it in the chin more than anyone else. Oh, let us not forget the stage of "sexiness" I'm feeling right now. Big, old stretch marked belly, boobies that would scare any boobie enthusiast and all the other sweet physical things that come with being almost 8 months pregnant!!! Pretty picture, huh?

But, despite all of that, he loves me the same. He sees beyond all of that crap and just loves ME. I am a lucky girl, but Randy got the short stick in this draw, for sure. I'm glad he puts up with me, hopefully one day I can make it up to him!!!!

Thank you, Randy for hanging in there, I know it's not easy!!! I LOVE YOU!!!!

Bully, schmully...

2011-02-04T11:14:00.003-07:00

So, Tyler had an incident with a girl in his grade this week where she smacked him in the face with her backpack after school, on purpose. This girl is a known bully and has been for years, but for some reason has got away with it all. I have heard what she has done to kids, so as soon as I learned who it was that hit him, I was all over it!!! The good news is, even though it hurt like a mad dog, it didn't break the skin and after the first night, there was no swelling or discoloration to his face.

I love and respect the secretaries and principal at our school. After a phone call with them, I was hopeful it would all get taken care of appropriately. The principal had no idea of this girl's bullying past. I don't know why, I know at least one mom had reported multiple incidents to the teacher!?! I told the principal that I had faith that she would do the right thing so I wouldn't have to handle it myself. I have NO TOLERANCE for bullies. I think they are all pieces of crap.

I asked Tyler if he thought this girl was mean, he said yes. Then I asked if he knew who was meaner? I told him that I AM!!!! I am bigger than her, I am meaner than her and I would gladly kick her ass to show her how it feels to be bullied. That's when I saw relief come over his face. He was deathly afraid of going to school the next day and of what she would do to him. He's to nice to fight back and with her past, I figured it was time for her to learn some boundaries.

The principal did a GREAT job. Talked to them individually, then together, helped this girl learn how to better handle situations and then told my son that her door is always open if he ever has a problem. I was very happy with the principal's actions. Especially when she told this girl that, "you should be glad it's me talking to you and not Tyler's mom. She called me last night and she is mad, mad, mad at you!!!!".

I knew it was handled really well, but I still thought I needed to drive the point home. This bully knows me from helping in Tyler's class, so after school, I went to where we pick up my kids, and that's where she gets picked up. I stood on the sidewalk and waited for her. When she saw me, she put her backpack over her head and walked up the grass to avoid me. After calling her name 3 times, she finally looked at me. I simply reminded her that I was Tyler's mom. I asked her if we were going to have any more problems, she shook her head. I asked her if she was going to be a good girl and play nice, she nodded and then I told her that I didn't want to ever have to talk to her again, she shook her head again.

I was nice, used a very mild tone of voice, didn't raise my voice once, said it all with a smile and was very kind!!!! As we walked away, the kids were shocked I didn't yell. I guess yelling is intimidating, I was able to teach them that you don't have to yell to get your way!!! I've been playing this game for a long time and the look on her face told me that I made my point. I think she's at least going to stay away from my son. Although, she might have had to change her panties after that, I think I scared her A LOT!!!!

I am not ok with bullies and hopefully this is the end of this girl for us!!!! If anyone wants me to come and intimidate any 9 year olds you know, just holler!!!! :)

WHOA BABY!!!!

2011-02-01T22:12:00.002-07:00

This little baby is getting bigger everyday!!! I love feeling it move inside me!!! It's kind of a stubborn turd sometimes (it must be a Clyde thing...hehe). When I lay down occasionally, it doesn't want to lay THAT way, so I have to roll over (which takes nothing less than a crane moving me like a dead rhino). How can something not even born yet have such an opinion? When Maddison is around, it wont move for her. If she touches my belly, even if it's running a marathon at the time, it stops immediately!!! If she talks, no movement!!! The other 2 can feel it kicking and moving all the time and they love it, but I think Maddison is soothing to the baby already!!! So cool!!!

This morning I was laying in bed, snuggling with Cambelle and all of a sudden I could feel it pushing it's body out by my belly button. It was almost from side to side on me, I pulled the covers off and it was so dramatic that Cambelle could see exactly where it was!!!! That's when she yelled, "MADDISON, TYLER, COME QUICK, THE BABY IS DOING A TRICK!!!!". Haha!!! It was doing a trick and they all got to enjoy it!!!

It is quite a different experience to have the other 3 kids older. They see the miracle in pregnancy. They know that this baby is being sent from Heavenly Father specifically to be with our family. Littler kids wouldn't really get that. I feel so lucky to be having a baby right now. It's not easy, in fact, I think I'm too old and fat to be pregnant, but I still see the miracle!!!

I go to my doctor again tomorrow to talk about this whole gestational diabetes thing. I don't like not knowing the future. With Cambelle, I knew exactly how things were going to go, but this is definitely a complication that has to be watched closely, so we'll see what tomorrow brings!!!!

Have a good night, y'all!!!

Blood draws and pills and glucose... OH MY!!!!

2011-01-28T00:48:00.003-07:00

First.... BLOOD DRAWS. Remember that CDH research we were contacted about? (THIS POST) Well, we did it!!! The week before Tyler's 9th birthday, we took our kit over to Uncle Fred and had him draw our blood. Tyler was about 2 last time we did it, so he didn't really remember what a blood draw was all about. I explained all of it to him and was honest when I told him it would hurt, like a pinch and only for a second.

So, I went first because I knew Randy had a little anxiety about the needle (I warned him the day before that if he passed out I would kill him. We didn't need to scare Tyler. Nice wife, huh?). Uncle Fred was very gentle. Didn't feel hardly a thing. As I was getting my draw done, Randy was FREAKING OUT!!!! Pacing back and forth, sweating, scratching his arms!!!! IT WAS HILARIOUS!!!! If I would have known how entertaining it was going to be, I would have taken the video camera!!! AND THAT WAS JUST WATCHING ME!!!!! So, then it was Randy's turn. He is one of the toughest men I know. This man can HANDLE pain. But when that needle came out, he turned to jell-o!!!! As luck would have it, the vein on his left arm blew and he had to get poked a second time!!! Thank goodness Uncle Fred is a miracle worker and got it on the second try. I really did feel bad for Randy. It's no fun to get poked twice.

Next was Tyler!!! Uncle Fred had a specialist come in so it would go as smooth as possible. She took one look and liked Tyler's veins. They strapped him up and did the draw as smooth as possible!!! NO PROBLEM!!! He said, "you were right, mom. Just a little pinch!!!" Like it was a normal thing for him. I was SO proud of him!!! It's not easy to be tough sometimes, but he always ends up surprising us!!! As a reward/bribe, our kids know if they don't hit or kick the nurses when getting shots, they get a Happy Meal!!! He deserved that one!!!! What a stud!!! We might just have to buy daddy a Happy Meal too for being such a big boy!!!

It feels good to have sent that off to the doctors waiting up North to analyze it and try to improve the lives of anyone effected by CDH!!!

Next.... PILLS. Remember in THIS POST that for the first time in 4 years, Tyler's reflux is bad enough to have to go back on meds? Well, the Prevacid was wayyyy too expensive, so we asked about something different and it comes in pill form. My Aunt Iva let me in on a little secret, teach him to swallow pills by practicing swallowing Tic Tacs!!! We went to the store and he picked out his favorite, Wild Cherry Tic Tacs.

Wondering how this was going to go, I just told him how I swallow pills, opened the package, full glass of water and said, "go for it!!!". His first 2 attempts failed, but the 3rd time, he scored a home run!!!! He was shocked that he did it!!!! So, he did another and YEP, that one went down too!!!! So later that night when it was time for bed, it was time for the real thing. He wanted to test it again with a Tic Tac before the real medicine. The Tic Tac and the pill both went down without a hitch!!! We are so proud of him. Swallowing pills is such a big deal and quite the confidence booster when you can do it!!! He has done it every night without a problem at all!!!! YEA TYLER!!!!

Now we're down to GLUCOSE. Last week, I failed my GLUCOSE TEST miserably. Which means I had to go back in, fasting, for the 3 hour test. Thursday was the day.

Fasting test came out at 100 (supposed to be 65-110)
Drink the sugar drink and wait an hour
1st hour test came out at 212 (supposed to be under 140)
2nd hour test came out at 189 (supposed to be under 120)
3rd hour test came out at 168 (supposed to be under 110)

Not good numbers. They are all of them almost double what they should be. The thing that makes me the most mad, I don't study for tests, EVER. I just roll with it and hope I'm enough prepared. This test, I was really careful what I ate the last 3 days and even only drake one can of Coke each day!!! That's a big deal!!!! I did all that preparation and NOTHING!!!!!

I know it's not as bad as some, but it's still too high and must be watched closely and treated. There are a lot of complications associated with Gestational Diabetes, but the good thing is that is usually goes away as soon as you deliver!!! So, 6 1/2 weeks? I can do this. Especially with this man by my side, cheering me on!!!

There have been weird things happening in our lives lately. I like to see how easy we can handle it without a hiccup!!! I feel like with Randy next to me, I can handle anything. He makes me feels strong enough to handle any problems that comes our way!!!

I know this all could be worse, but right now, it is a big deal to us. Nothing we can't rock out, but still a challenge that we weren't expecting. I am just hoping that I can have the control I need to eat the diet I should and that Tyler's meds will work and he wont throw up anymore and that the CDH research comes back with some amazing results!!!

I know this was a long post, but thanks for reading and leave a comment if you would like to!!!! Have a fun weekend!!!

Happy 9th birthday TYLER!!!!

2011-01-24T10:00:00.003-07:00

Today is Tyler's 9th birthday. THIS is the post I did last year. In hopes of not repeating myself, I'm just going to say some of the reasons I love this kid so much!!!!

He shoots a gun left handed like his mama!!!!

He's not afraid to get dirty.... even when his mom is freaking out!!!

He loves playing with babies!!! He's so gentle and tender with them!!!

This is when we (Randy, Tyler and I) got our blood drawn for CDH research. He did better than his dad!!!! More proof that he is tough as rocks!!!

On Friday at Disneyland, we celebrated his birthday. He got his face painted, picked where we ate and of course, got his birthday pin. He stopped counting how many cast members wished him a Happy Birthday when he got to 40!!!

The CHEESE!!!! He pulls the funniest expressions!!!!

No "normal" poses for this cutie!!!
He is loving scouts and doing a great job!!!

He still thinks I'm alright!!! He even still will kiss me when I drop him off for school!!!!

He's getting really good at the "self portrait". A talent all of our kids have developed!!!

Here we are at Disneyland on Friday, right after we got his Happy Birthday pin. I love this kid so much. I can't imagine our lives without him here. He enriches my everyday and I'm proud to be his mom!!!!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TYLER!!!
Daddy and I love you very much!!!!

A big medical day!!!

2011-01-18T00:36:00.002-07:00

Today I had an OB appointment with Dr. Chamberlain. A few highlights....

*He gave me the ok to go on this ONE last trip to Disneyland (we leave Wednesday morning).

*I made him predict what he thinks this baby will be (no, we don't know. We like the surprise). He has been right with all 3 of ours. He said as much as he would like to say boy, but he's guessing girl!!! That's what Randy thinks, so he's pretty happy that Dr. Chamberlain said girl also!!!

*My blood pressure is good (120/58, for you mom because I know you always want to know the number!!!).

*I failed my glucose test (176, it shouldn't be over 140), so I get to do the 3 hour test. No matter how much I argued with him, he's sticking to it that it's high enough to get to the next round of tests :( He advised me to watch my starches and sugar intake until the next test, next week. (there goes my planned diet of churros and Cokes all day at D'land)

*The baby's head is down, I thought it was laying transverse (sideways), but he was able to feel the head down low and what I thought was the bum and the head are actually the body!?! I think we're in for a big one!!!

*We talked about upping my anti-depressant. I get pretty good post-partum depression after I have babies. It's not good. I get pretty mean and I don't like knowing that I am hurting those I love, so we're going to up my dosage and if I don't grow more tolerance in the next few weeks, he will put me on a different kind. PPD is NOT a joke to Dr. Chamberlain and for that I am grateful.

*I talked to him about Tyler's meds for reflux and he changed the medication he had prescribed. It was going to cost us $140.00 per month and now it's only $8.00 We just have to teach Tyler to swallow a pill but because of my wonderful Aunt Iva, we know how to do that now!!! With Tic Tacs!!! They learn with Tic Tacs and it's no big deal!!!! I'm not worried about that till we get home next week.

Then we have the blood work that we got to do today for the CDH research!!!! I will have to do a whole post about that one!!!! Let's just say, it was entertaining just watching Randy while I was getting MY BLOOD drawn!!!! Stay tuned for more details!!!!

So it was a big day, some good news and some bad news, but I guess that's how it usually goes!!!!

I will be busy tomorrow getting our family of 5 ready for Disneyland for the last time before we're a family of 6!!!!! It's going to be a great trip!!!!

Have a good day, everyone!!!

Tyler's guts...

2011-01-13T12:18:00.002-07:00

So, as Tyler's birth defect goes, we have been really lucky. He hasn't had any lasting health issues because of having CDH. From birth to age 5, he was on reflux meds. It's almost unheard of for CDH kids to not have reflux, it's kind of just a given, so 4 years ago when he had an upper GI that showed no "significant" signs of reflux and no scarring, we were elated!!!! We have always questioned how long this would last, but have enjoyed every second he was off medication!!!!

About a month ago, he started throwing up really early in the morning, about once a week and no other symptoms of being sick. I knew deep down that our days of no meds were over. I ignored it for 3 weeks and then when the 4th time hit, I knew it was time to get it looked at.

We went in to our beloved doctor and he ordered an upper GI and chest x-ray. The upper GI to look for reflux and the chest x-ray to make sure his diaphragm isn't being naughty and moving again. I love that Dr. Chamberlain doesn't take any chances. He takes Tyler's health VERY serious and I also love that he will take my mother's intuition serious too. He knows that I have made myself an expert on CDH and always takes my instincts into play. That is important to us.

We get a chest x-ray at least once each year, that's the easiest way to make sure everything is staying put. If the patch on his diaphragm (that makes up quite a bit of his diaphragm) were to tear, he would go into respiratory failure and we'd be in deep trouble. It's no joke, we have to make sure it stays in place.

So, yesterday was the day for the upper GI. The GI doctor was talking to me while they did the test and said that there was significant reflux once the barium got into his stomach. It would go all the way down, clear into his stomach and then reflux back out. He was impressed that Tyler's guts look so good for how bad his defect was!!! I like hearing that stuff!!! So, we knew Dr. Chamberlain would get the report today and would tell us what kind of treatment we were going to do.

I got a call from Dr. Chamberlain's office today that he needs to go back on Prevacid. It's a good thing. I don't think Tyler feels the pain of reflux, I think it's the "norm" for him, so I'm glad we got the upper GI to SEE it instead of just treating him.

So we're back on the meds!!! We knew it wouldn't last long. The stomach is kind of a snotty organ. It doesn't like to be touched or moved and his had been both.... severely. Sadly, it's nothing that diet or vitamins or anything else will help, it's just the way his body is built.

We are so grateful for modern medicine and the chance it gives my son to live a normal life, pain and illness free!!!

1-12-96

2011-01-12T11:40:00.005-07:00

Today is mine and Randy's first date anniversary!!!! Yep, 15 years ago we went on our first date!!! We tried to go to Paula's for dinner, it was too busy, then Pizza Factory, too busy, so we ended up at Taco Bell!!!! We would probably do the same thing today!!!! After a lovely dinner of burritos and laughs, we went to the movie Bio Dome. Dumb movie, good times. I wont deny that we might have made out during the whole movie and then some more after the movie, but I will say, it was a lot of fun!!!! :)

I didn't know then how amazing and wonderful my life would be, but I'm so glad I chose this life. Randy makes me laugh so hard every, single day. He thinks I'm beautiful (cellulite, stretchmarks and all) and makes me feel like a princess. He is the perfect daddy, son-in-law and husband. Things we never knew would happen 15 years ago.

I don't feel worthy of the man I scored, but I will thank my Heavenly Father everyday for him. His is the yin to my yang. If you know us, you know there's no one else on Earth that would put up with me!!!! Not only does he not kill me, but he continues to build me up and love me. A true angel!!!!

Happy date anniversary, baby!!!!

Maybe we should make out tonight just to celebrate? :) Love you!!!

Oh my naked body!!!!

2011-01-10T11:28:00.004-07:00

Caution: this post contains inappropriate material for some readers. There is talk of nudity and a situation that would be embarrassing to most people.

Don't say you weren't warned!!!

It was established long ago that I do not possess the gene that makes people embarrassed. Not only is that gene broken, but I don't understand how it works for other people. What does embarrassment help with anything? How is it beneficial to get embarrassed? There are cases in my life when it is probably a good thing I don't posses that trait or I would probably die. This is one of those times!!!!

So, it was about 10:45 last night when I was on Facebook and my neighbor said it was snowing. I wondered if she was in Idaho or something, I didn't think it was snowing here in Sunny Southern Utah. Well, I was going to get in the shower, so I stripped naked in the big room while watching TV with Randy. As I was leaving to get in the shower, Randy heard what he thought was rain and I told him it was snowing. So, we went to the back door to see if it was rain or snow. Keep in mind that it is almost 11pm and our back yard is pretty private. As we stood at our back door, staring into our yard to determine if there was snow or rain falling, I caught some movement in the corner of my eye......... our neighbors were in their carport, locking their car doors!!!! I started laughing at the thought of Randy standing in the doorway with our porch light on to light us both up and me, in all my glory, nothing but a smile on my face, in the doorway standing right next to him!!!! Yes, I was completely naked, staring out our back door!!!!!

I ducked to the side, laughing hysterically!!!! Randy stood in awe that I wasn't embarrassed. He just didn't know how it was possible!!!! I surprise him regularly, but I think he's getting better!!! But just imagine what my neighbors saw, if they saw anything!!!!

THIS (7+ month pregnant) hot body......

NAKED!!!!! I know it's scary, no one should see it naked EVER!!!!

I ended the night taking the shower I had planned on before "the incident" and all was well!!!! I think this is one that will be laughed at for a long time!!!! Do I think it's normal for me to laugh so hard at my own stupidity? Probably not, but my mom taught me that if you can't laugh at yourself then no one else should laugh at you!!!! I am just providing some comic relief for everyone!!! I am just giving like that. I will sacrifice!!!! HAHAHA!!!!!

Being naked in the security of my own home has never been a big deal to me and will continue not to be a big deal. I want my kids to be comfortable with their bodies and where better to teach them that within the walls of our own home? I grew up with lots of sisters and a mom that was not overly "modest" if you will. I could never leave the house dressed inappropriately, but if my mom was in the bathtub today when I go to her house, I would not hesitate to go in and chat with her. It's just how we do things and it's ok for us, so I never knew any different. I have always had a positive self image and I think that is why. I plan on passing that on to my kids this same way.

Now, before you get all excited about us being exhibitionists, we don't parade around naked. If we're getting in or out of the shower, we just don't make a fuss about the kids not being clothed and covering up at all times. That's just how our family operates in our home. There's my soap box moment of the day!!!!!

Now back to that picture of me and my hot mama body.....
enjoy your night and don't stand in your doorway NAKED!!!!! :)

Life changing news for the Clyde family

2011-01-07T09:04:00.001-07:00

So, about 9 1/2 years ago, our baby was diagnosed with a birth defect called Congenital Diaphragmatic Hernia (CDH). We didn't know much about it until our Perinatologist referred us to CHERUBS, a support group for families dealing with CDH. Well, to make a long story short, when we had Tyler, our odds were that he (if born alive) would have a 50% chance of survival including 4-6 months in the NICU (in a children's hospital 300 miles from home) and have a lifetime of health problems. The only answers we were given as to why this happened was, "if the mother took a bath in pesticides in the 8th week of gestation, that might increase the odds of your baby being born with this birth defect". WOW!!!!! I knew we would eventually find out more.

Tyler right after his surgery on day 5 to put a patch on his diaphragm
to make it complete, keeping his guts out of his chest cavity.
He was a VERY sick baby. Very, very sick.

As you know, this Clyde family doesn't do anything the way we are supposed to. We suffered through some REALLY hard times. Really hard. But Tyler has a determined personality and never gives up, right from the minute he was born. His defect was quite severe, but he defied all the odds and came home on day 28 on only oxygen and reflux meds!!! He has no major health problems that are connected to CDH and he is talked about as "Miracle Tyler". We get comfortable with him being a healthy kid and sometimes he gets sick and we realize how he is not "normal". We live with the fear that the patch that the doctors put in him at birth and then modified at 4 months, could come loose and he could die. Yea, it scares the crap out of us, but he's been doing great.

This is Tyler at 4 months before his second repair.
That is pain you see in his eyes. Absolute and unbearable pain.

Over the years, we have done genetic counseling, blood work, questionnaires, and other things to help find the reason that kids are born with CDH. It's a slow process. A couple months ago, I got a letter from the University of Utah about participating in more research, of course, we agreed. Last night I got the call from a doctor in Salt Lake City. He gave us news that could change our lives and lives of future generations.

He informed me that Tyler has some very distant relatives living in Utah that also have CDH. There has never been any genetic link proven, but this newest research has found a possible link between us and them and the doctors and dying to get their hands on our blood. To tell you how distantly we are related, you would have to go back 6 generations from Tyler to even see where we are related. He wouldn't tell me if it's my side or Randy's side of the family, he knows, but couldn't tell me yet.

This is life changing. Because of our participation in past research and that other family's participation, we could possibly be changing the future course for CDH. I can't tell you how happy I am!!!! This is the kind of news we have waited for, for almost 10 years and others for so much longer!!!!

The doctor will send us containers to do our blood work. Randy's uncle Fred will do the draws for us like he has in the past and we will ship it back up to SLC. This doctor was so excited to tell us the news and I have been on cloud 9 since the phone call!!!!

He told us an easy way to explain it to people, it's like Tyler is a book, a big novel. In all his pages, there are 2 sentences that have grammar errors. In the blood work, he will try to find those 2 sentences and link them to the other distant family member's 2 sentences!!! It's so specialized and exact that it makes my head hurt to think of what they are trying to do.

After the phone call with the doctor, we talked to Tyler about it all and it was cool to get to explain my beliefs on this. I believe that Tyler lived so that he could participate in research to help find a cause and cure for CDH. I have always felt that. Medically speaking, he should not be alive, so we are truly blessed and I feel it's our obligation to do this. Tyler understands and agrees. I'm so proud to be his mom. It's not been easy, but I know he is a chosen spirit put on Earth to do good things.

Anyhow, that was long enough, but it's just amazing news and our family is so happy!!!!!

If you want to take a minute and watch THIS VIDEO I made to document his journey with CDH, I thank you. Awareness is a big part of getting things to happen!!!! Have a good day, everyone. I know I will!!!!

New Year!!!!

2011-01-01T19:01:00.003-07:00

I'm soooo ready for 2010 to be over!!! I'm looking forward to 2011 and the good times that are going to be had this year!!! Our Christmas was GREAT!!! We started out Christmas Eve with my family at my house for our annual party. Christmas morning after the kids saw what Santa brought them, we called my parents and they came over to watch the kids open presents. It was so fun!!!

After that, we always eat donuts and go to Randy's parent's house. We all get spoiled by the Clyde's!!!! This year's code (remember LAST YEAR'S code? Read almost to the end of that post to see what I'm talking about) was vowel sounds. It wasn't easy to figure out, but somehow we got it. Randy was oo, like on his presents were words with the oo sound!!! It was fun!!!

One of my favorite presents of the whole day wasn't even for me. When Randy crashed his motorcycle a year and a half ago, I was so thankful that he had such a good helmet and that he wasn't too macho to wear it every time he got on his bike. When he crashed, his head went through the back window of a Ford Explorer. If he didn't have his helmet on, that crash could have easily killed him. Well, that helmet has been sitting next to our piano since the crash. I just couldn't throw it away, it represented how blessed I am to still have my husband. Finally, this Christmas, I asked Randy's brother to make a helmet bag for his crashed helmet so we could keep it forever. I knew Steven could make it, he's made a few of his own. Well, Randy didn't know I had asked him to do that and Christmas morning when Randy opened his present, it was a helmet bag, but what I saw was what Steven embroidered on the bag. GLASS PUNCH!!!!

A glass punch is a tool that Steven has for his work (he's a Utah Highway patrolman) to break windows in emergencies. I laughed SO HARD and Randy had no clue what was so funny!!!! It really was one of the best presents this year!!! THANKS STEVEN!!!!

New Year's Eve was just kind of chilled out this year. I'm tired and didn't want to do anything big. My sister, Blanche and her family along with my parents came over to play games. Well, about halfway through our mean game of Phase 10, someone walked in my carport door, when I looked over, I saw my nephew's daughter. My brain didn't work for a minute, I was so confused. I knew it was Brooklyn, but they live in Kingman, AZ!?! They surprised my sister and came up last night. I LOVE surprises!!!! It was so great to have them here!!! I love Brandon and Lacey so much and it's terrible having them live away. I HATE IT. So any chance we get to see them is always a good time!!!!

After ringing in the New Year and kissing the coolest dude I have ever kissed, it was time to start the year off right!!!! WELCOME 2011!!!!

Last night, the 2 little kids fell asleep early, so Maddison made sure to put our plates out for New Year's Jack. Randy's family has a tradition that if you put your plate on the table on New Year's Eve, if you've been good, Jack Frost will leave a present or 2 on your plate in the night!!! Thank goodness Jack thinks we were all good this year!!!!

We spent today hanging with Blanche's family, playing games, laughing too loud and making inappropriate comments about pretty much everything!!!! It's been fun having my brother-in-law, Michael make jokes about his daughter, Brittney and I having to enroll in over eater's anonymous. She's due in February and I'm due in March, so our bellies are getting quite round!!! It's been great!!!!

Now we're home and I'm pooped!!!! I'm ready to hibernate the next couple of days and snuggle with my family!!! I hope everyone has a good new year!!!!

Obviously Cambelle has been tired, too!!! She is asleep like THIS!?! Yes, I moved
the banana chair so her neck wouldn't hurt!!!

27 weeks!!!!

2010-12-22T15:52:00.003-07:00

Tomorrow our baby will be 27 weeks along!!!! I went to my OB appointment today and everything is looking good!!! The "weigh in" is always fun (I have tried convincing my doctor that my purse weighs 80 pounds, but I don't think he's buying it)!!! The baby finally held still long enough to actually COUNT the heart rate!!!! 165 beats per minute. I think I will give Dr. Chamberlain another month before I pin him down on what he thinks we're having. He's been right ALL 3 TIMES!!!! This is one of the fun things with not knowing what we're having!!! He cleared me to go do Disneyland next month (YEA!!!!) and despite it bugging the crap out of Randy, it is NOT unsafe for me to be sleeping on my stomach!!! I go to sleep on my side and wake up FLAT on my stomach!?! I've always been a big stomach sleeper, but it really bugs Randy when I'm pregnant!!!! I found out that heartburn can be helped with medication and that my hands going numb will stop after I have the baby!!!!

This pregnancy is so fun, challenging, but fun. There are weird things that happen because I'm older, but every time I feel this little baby move, it makes me smile!!! The kids and Randy love to feel the baby move. It made Maddison cry the first time. She tried so hard to feel it move but as soon as she puts her hands on my tummy, it STOPS!!!! So, she finally got to feel it move and it was an emotional thing for her. It was one of the only times she got to feel the baby. I think it will be a good thing once the baby is born if Maddison can sooth it that easy!!!!

The miracle of birth is so cool to me. I love that our Heavenly Father trusts us to do this special work!!!! Even though we have c-sections and it's all very scheduled and controlled, it is so exciting and fun!!!! I don't look forward to the surgery, but sometimes I think of having a newborn and the blessings they bring and it makes me so happy!!!!

I hope everyone is having a good Christmas break, so far, I know we are!!!!
MERRY CHRISTMAS!!!!

Christmas break... YEA!!!!

2010-12-18T13:24:00.001-07:00

I love it when my kids are home from school. My favorite days are the "pajama days" that we don't get dressed and we eat horrible food all day!!!! I LOVE IT!!!! I love snuggling with my sweeties and just enjoying their company!!!! Hopefully we will find a "pajama day" or 2 in the next week!!! Here's to wishing you a couple days of down time too!!!

A needed post....

2010-12-07T07:48:00.003-07:00

I've been needing to do a post about an experience we had, but I need to edit how I really feel and as you know, that's not an easy one for me!!! Randy and I had an impossible decision to make a couple of weeks ago. We AGONIZED over it for a week. We went back and forth from YES to NO a million times. Our hearts were saying YES and the Holy Ghost was telling us to say NO. We were so confused. We got priesthood blessings, went to the temple, enlisted the help of our family and our friends even organized a special fast for us. Still, we were confused. On faith alone, we went with NO. As it turns out, it was never a decision we needed to make. The State was not ready to do what they told us they were doing, therefor, it was never our choice to make. It was a situation that has changed our lives. Under all the anger, there are things that shine through this that we need to learn. Some things I learned:

*Don't ever trust DCFS. EVER. They (in our case) are NOT doing what is best for children. Job security is more important to them than removing a child from a dangerous place and dangerous people. (You have no idea how edited that is)

*Sometimes it's not the YES or NO that is important when we have a choice, it's what we do to make that decision. Did Randy and I get closer together? Did we lean on our Heavenly Father? Or did it tear us apart and make us loose faith? I'm happy to say we did what we were supposed to when faced with such a hard choice.

*And the most important lesson I learned is that our Heavenly Father is ALWAYS there for us. He was telling us what to do the whole time, we just wouldn't listen because it sounded like the wrong choice. I will never doubt Him again. I will never doubt the sweet feelings of The Spirit. NEVER.

I don't learn lessons easy and sadly Randy will be dragged through the mud with me while I learn these lessons, but we are bigger people because of this, and for that I am grateful.

To those who know the full story, remember that Heavenly Father will protect His children. One way or another. We have to have faith in that. It's the only way I can sleep at night.

Thanks for listening!!!

Don't tell Randy......

2010-11-20T22:12:00.002-07:00

*OLD PICTURE ALERT*

Look at those curls!!!

Wanna know a secret? My husband is hairy, really hairy, but when I shave his head, I shave down his neck and onto his back to make him think he's more hairy than he really is!!! HAHA!!! Don't tell him, ok? Thanks for keeping this between US ;)

A BIG surprise!!!

2010-11-15T23:45:00.002-07:00

See this girl......

She is my niece, Amy. She and I have always been really close. I am only 3 years older than her, so really, she was kind of like a little sister to me when we were growing up. This last few years, I have learned to really appreciate Amy for the person she is. She has made so many good choices in her life. I look up to her so much.

In the last year or so we have been able to grow closer than ever. I guess bad times will pull the closest ones together and that's what it's done for us. She lives in Vegas and we try to see them when we go down, but her and Dan have no problem coming up if there is stuff going on. They are so supportive.

Well, today was my birthday lunch with my mom, sisters and nieces and I was really missing Amy. Sometimes it's harder than others to not have her here. There are a lot of things going on in my brain right now and Amy totally gets it. I don't have to explain the things that are troubling me to her, she just knows.

This morning, I told her on Facebook that understood WHY she couldn't be here for lunch but that I wish she could and I miss her a lot. Knowing that she has a 3 year old son and a 1 year old son at home that she's trying to keep up with, lunch was the last of her priorities.

We were at Pasta Factory. It was my mom, my sisters, Launa and Blanche, one of my besties, Gina and my niece, Brittney with their kids. When Blanche got there she mentioned that we needed more room and then made a fat joke. Didn't think anything of it. About 10 minutes later, I looked over and saw Amy's sons, Bridger and Noah walk in the restaurant!!!!! I was so happy to see Amy, I cried like a little baby!!!! She was such a beautiful surprise!!! I think I cried for about 5 minutes straight!!!!

Amy told me that after reading that comment to her this morning that she just knew she needed to come up. I was so happy. It was the best birthday lunch EVER!!!! She is one of my favorite people in the world!!!! We had fun chatting it up at lunch, we always do!!!!

After lunch, we went back to my mom and dad's house and let the kids play while we sat and enjoyed each others company!!!! I can't tell you how happy it made me that she came up. She is such a sweetheart and I feel lucky to have her in my life!!! She's always been a great supporter of my family and she just brings a breath of fresh air whenever she's around!!!!

Anyhow, it's just amazing to me that I had nieces that were in St. George that didn't come to my lunch, but Amy came from 120 miles away!!! It's obvious that our relationship is different than the others!!!! We were all so happy to have Amy here and everyone that went to lunch had a blast!!! It was a good day!!!!

Thank you, Amy. I love you to pieces!!!!

Time Change Anyone???

2010-11-11T21:20:00.002-07:00

The time change hasn't effected our family too much... hahaha!!!!!

Hopefully it hasn't been a bad one for you, either!!!

What birthdays mean to me....

2010-11-08T21:21:00.005-07:00

***WARNING***
This blog post is typed with raw emotions at the risk of sounding totally and utterly selfish on my part and making some people mad. If you do not wish to have your feelings challenged, stop reading here.
***Consider yourself warned***

Tomorrow is my 34th birthday. Birthdays are such a weird thing for me. When I was younger, I would go over the top with excitement to overpower some of my feelings that I didn't understand and still don't.

When most kids are born, it's a joyful occasion that is looked at as a highlight of their lives, mine is a little different for me. My birth story as told by my mom.... my mom wouldn't take my biological mom to the hospital the night before I was born because Gone With the Wind was airing for the first time on TV, my baby blanket wasn't done yet and ultimately, my mom knew my biological mom wasn't really in good labor yet and she could wait!!! Well, they waited till the movie was over and everything went just fine. More proof that my mom always have been and always will be very intuitive. She always knows what is best.

What's the big deal? I wish THAT part wasn't a part of ME. Honestly, I wish I could just pretend I came from my parents and none of THOSE parts were there. I am not trying to minimize how blessed I am to have been raised the way I was. I was always loved... A LOT. I was a very confident person and still am, but for some reason, thinking that I was a disappointment to someone before I was even born is a little confusing.

I am probably speaking through pregnancy hormones, but my feelings always get stronger around my birthday, the birth of my own children and other significant events in my life.

I look at these pictures and think of how different my life is than other kids. Sure, I have sisters that love me like CRAZY, I have parents that have sacrificed so much for me, I have the most amazing extended family a girl could ask for and a husband that does the best with the mess he married into, but unless you are adopted, I don't think there is any way to understand how I am feeling. Hell, I don't even understand it. I just know that there are certain phone calls I will avoid tomorrow and there are certain people that it's easier to cling to on my birthdays because they know my heart and know how confusing it is for me to "celebrate" another birthday. I feel selfish for even saying that because of what I DO have, but it's deep down, WAY down that things get weird for me.

I usually don't talk about my feelings, but for some reason I can't help it tonight. It's weird. Look how much my mom and dad love me. You can FEEL the love coming out of them. Why couldn't THEY be the ones I was born to? Even though I am surrounded by people who love me so much, it's the ones that couldn't/wouldn't that make a difference. Was it THAT bad? Was it THAT hard? I know I was supposed to be in the family I am, but those weird feelings are still there. Like I was a problem, a "situation".
The older I get, for some reason, the harder this is. I feel this sense of loneliness and sadness that is hard to explain. It's like the more I love who I am, the more I doubt myself. That makes NO sense at all.

Uhgggg..... I have been crying for hours and I thought this would help, but those stupid tears just keep rolling off my face!?!

I love that Randy doesn't try to "fix" me. He just listens. He listens a lot. He hears things I would never tell another soul and you know what, he still loves me. He is a good man, in fact, such a good man that he just baked some chocolate cookies to make me feel better. I think it might work.

Sorry for the rant, I don't know why it happened, but maybe one day I will. Until then, you're stuck with me the way I am. Thanks for listening.

Halfway mark!!!

2010-11-05T22:56:00.003-06:00

Yesterday, we made the halfway mark with our pregnancy!!! And if you want to get technical, I will have a c-section at or before 39 weeks, so I am actually PAST my halfway mark!!!

It's been a pretty long 20 weeks of pregnancy. LOTS of throwing up and even more nausea. I have never been sick with any pregnancy and then this one threatens to kill me!?! But things are getting better everyday!!! We're down to about 1 puky day per week instead of every, single day. That's a good thing!!!

I've been to Disneyland twice since we got pregnant. 7 weeks and then 17 weeks. We're going in December and then again in January!!! If I could talk the Clyde's into leaving me home and going one more time before our passes expire, I would, but they are a nervous bunch for some reason!!!

The baby is changing. This is a cool site that tells where we are right now. This little button has been playing around like crazy!!! It's so active. WAY more active than any of the others!!!

After our ultra sound, at my appointment with our doctor (whom I LOVE), he said the ultra sound looked perfect and my "old lady" blood work (the quad screen for the 4 major birth defects) came back perfect also!!! So, the health of the baby looks really good at this point.

The baby is getting higher and higher everyday. Just yesterday, it started kicking my waist on my pants!!! Randy can ALMOST feel it move. When I hold his hand on my belly where the baby is kicking, I can feel it from the inside, but it's not quite strong enough to let Randy feel. Soon, very soon. A few nights ago, I was pushed back in the recliner and the baby was going nuts, I held really still and could see when the baby was moving big. My belly was moving!!!! It was pretty cool.

I'm such a sap for this fun stuff!!!! The website says that the baby can hear now and I'm glad, because Cambelle tells this little baby EVERYDAY that she loves it and seals it with a kiss!!!

I'm getting so excited!!! I'm not nervous, which is weird. We don't have any names going yet. I heard the name Harper for a girl and kinda liked the ring of it, but that's where it's stopped!!!

I'm trying to keep my wacky hormones under control. I tend to get mean when I'm hormonal, but I'm trying really hard to not make people hate me.

So, there's the baby update!!! We are all excited and looking forward to the next half of pregnancy!!! I'm not one that gets to the end and begs, "GET IT OUT OF ME", I try to just relax and enjoy every part of it. I hope that's how it is this time too!!!!

Anyhow, time to go rest (I do that a lot!!!). Have a good night!!!