Hormone check on line one!!!!

Ok, here's the deal. If you are reading this and needing a life-is-so-good-I'm-actually-growing-flowers-out-my-butt kind of post, well, click the back button and keep looking. I will admit that my life is pretty good right now, but that is not what this post is going to be about. I am going to bitch a little and it might get really ugly, SO, if you don't want to read something like that...... go somewhere else.

I don't know where to start, but I feel like I'm about to explode. I am sooooo mad that I miscarried. I hate all the stupid e-mails that I signed up for when I found out I was pregnant in August. They are weekly reminders of how pregnant I SHOULD be right now. I have unsubscribed to most of them, but when I think I got them all **BOOM** there's another one!!! Just when I get that under control, I get the realization that I was going to be pregnant and due with 2 of my good friends and 3 of my nieces!!! That's right, all 6 of us were due within 5 weeks of each other. Well, they all continued to be pregnant and left me in the dust. Now, they are all finding out what they are having, shopping, planning, getting cute little pregnant bellies and all that fun stuff and what am I doing? Failing at getting pregnant. After my D&C, it took 5 whole weeks for me to have a period, so that means it was THAT much longer before we could try again to get pregnant. That 5 weeks is an eternity when everyone around you is pregnant and you want to be. Then I log onto Facebook and hear some other pregnant moms COMPLAINING about being pregnant and it takes everything in me to not drive over to their house and kick them in the face. Do they have ANY IDEA how lucky they are that their baby is kicking them????? DO THEY???? Oh my hell, give it a break already!!!! Whoa.... sorry. *count to ten* Anyhow, it's just really hard to feel like I am failing at something I should be able to do. Now, don't get me wrong, I know I will get pregnant again, I'm just not a patient person and I want it NOW!!!!! I'm not getting younger and the time that goes by is just makes it easier for me to question the decision we have made. I think it's just hard sometimes when I realize that all those sweet girls that are due when I was, are still pregnant and feeling exactly how I want to feel. I don't want to make it awkward for any of them, so I try to keep it to myself. It just gets really hard sometimes when a friend announces that she's having a girl and my niece just found out she's pregnant, all in one day. I am so happy for them, but it feels like salt in a wound. Kind of like they are standing on a hill and shouting, "I AM HAVING A BABY AND YOU AREN'T!!!!!". Holy cow, I sound like the biggest brat on the planet, but I don't care. This is MY BLOG and I can write MY FEELINGS on it. Now, by the time you read this, I will probably be all better, so no need to powder my bottom, I'll be ok. I'm a big girl and can handle real-life situations, I just needed to get a few things out. I am starting to feel better already. Sorry if I brought you down, don't say you weren't warned.

Feel the love!!!

Sometimes I REALLY love being a mom. There are times that I wish I had a recorder on my brain that I could rewind a situation and play it back for everyone. Today, one of those moments happened.......

Tyler, "mom, I'm going to be famous when I grow up!!!"

Me, "I sure hope so!!!"

Tyler, "how do you get famous?"

Me, "you have to be really good at something"

Tyler (said with the excitement of a 7 year old boy), "MADDISON!!!!!! YOU'RE GOING TO BE FAMOUS!!!!!!!!"

Maddison, "Why?"

Tyler, "Cuz you're such a good artist!!!"

Me *holding back tears*


Isn't that so nice? I know that brothers can be a pain in the butt, not from my own experience, but from what my girls tell me, but I think he just made up for a lot of that.... what do you think?

A word from our sponsor.....

I have lots of pictures to put on my blog about Christmas, but until then, please enjoy my newest favorite song. In the spirit of this song, I request that you dance around a little and then get hooked on this song the same way I have!!!!

Happy Birthday Jesus!!!

In college, I had the opportunity to sing Handel's Messiah at Christmas time. It was such a wonderful experience. One I will never forget. I have such an appreciation for this music. On this Christmas day, I hope to hear one song in my head over and over.


For unto us a Child is born, unto us a Son is given: and the government shall be upon His shoulder: and His name shall be called Wonderful, Counselor, the mighty God, the everlasting Father, the Prince of Peace.

Hopefully you all have a Merry Christmas with your families and give our Heavenly Father for giving us His son, Jesus Christ. I love you all!!!

The lights of Christmas

One of my favorite parts of the Christmas Season is Christmas lights. I love seeing how everyone expresses themselves with lights at Christmas time!!! Now, we're not the Griswold's from National Lampoon's Christmas Vacation, but we enjoy the lights that brighten up our home at Christmas time. This is our light display this year, notice the lights that need to be replaced? I don't buy any Christmas decorations until the day after Christmas when I can get them for cheap enough that they're almost FREE!!!!


Like I said, we're no Griswold family, but you get the point. Then we have my mom and dad's house. This year I am especially grateful for my brother-in-law, Michael. He put my parent's lights up on the house this year because my dad was going through radiation treatments and didn't have the energy. Mike knew how much my parents enjoy the lights at their house at Christmas time and so he took time out of his busy schedule to take that burden off of my dad to get them up. My kids especially like the candy cane walk way, it's like a magical sidewalk leading up to Grandma and Grandpa's house!!! I have vivid memories of going to bed in my house growing up during the month of December and staring at the lights through the blinds in my bedroom window until I fell asleep. I think our kids will be remembering some of these lights also!!!

And then you have Randy's parent's house. They have some really fun blow up decorations.


And also some really cute wood cutouts that Randy's dad cut out and a neighbor of theirs painted for his mom a couple of years ago. Out of all of these cute decorations, my absolute favorite is this one.

I love the idea of Santa kneeling down in respect and admiration of Baby Jesus. I am so grateful to get to see that cutout every Sunday when we go over in December. I will speak for myself and say that I sometimes get lost in the retail end of Christmas. When I see this display, it puts me right back in my spot and remember what we are really celebrating. The birth of Christ, our Savior.

I hope you enjoy the Christmas light displays as much as we do each year and let the light of Christ illuminate your life. Merry Christmas!!!

So sad :(

Tonight I am so sad for my sister. Her youngest son and his wife had their 3 girls taken away from them permanently by the State of Utah for abuse and neglect. It became final just this month. This was excruciating for my sister to see her 3 grand daughters, that she was so close to, get taken away from the family because of poor choices made by my nephew and his wife. Well, my nephew and his wife had a baby boy this week and we just got word that there is a court order in place that is giving the State custody of their baby. We're not sure what happens next, if this is permanent or temporary, but my sister's heart is hurting so bad right now and it's so hard to see her in so much pain. There is no doubt in my mind that my nephew and his wife DO NOT deserve to have any of their children, in fact, I was one of the main ones that put calls into DCFS to get the State's attention about the abuse and neglect that was going on. But the pain it has caused my sister is horrible. My nephew and his wife couldn't care less about losing their children, but it just goes to show how bad choices don't just affect us, but it affects our whole family. I just hope that as her sister, I can be the support she needs. Hug your babies a little tighter tonight, there are some out there that wish they could.

Drum roll please......

Today is the day I officially get to announce my new calling. I am the new 1st counselor in the Young Women's Presidency in our ward. I am so excited!!! I am excited to work with the presidency, those girls are all such wonderful women and I'm also way excited to work with the girls. I was blessed to have some really amazing leaders when I was in YW. Women that made a huge impact on who I am today. I hope that the girls like me and I can do a good job.

Randy spoke in Sacrament today and I had called both of our parents to come over to help set me apart, so they all got to hear Randy speak and hear his testimony. It was really great. After the great Christmas Program, I got to be set apart by the bishop with Randy, my dad and Randy's dad in the circle. I am grateful for those men and their willingness to be there for me.

So, here we go!!!! Time for lots of work. I can't wait!!!!

And the winner is......

This morning was Randy's work Christmas party. His company owns the movie theatre in Hurricane, so we always go first thing in the morning, eat breakfast, learn about insurance changes for the new year, prizes and then we get to pick from 2 movies to watch. Today's picks were Avatar and Did You Hear About the Morgans? We chose the second one to go to. I was tired, so I kept falling asleep... whatever, what parts of it that I saw were great!!! So, they were giving away prizes at the meeting and I might have nodded off a little, and then I heard Randy's name called, everyone clapping and I looked up and the table full of prizes was empty. Did he win the grand prize this year? I didn't know what was happening and that's when I realized that HE WAS THE WINNER!!!! What did he win? A new 32GB Ipod Touch!!!!

That's a $300+ Ipod!!!! The funny thing is, at Thanksgiving, I bought my cousin's Touch from him to give Randy, but when I realized how cool they were, I confiscated it and made it mine!!!! So, now Randy has his OWN and it's twice as big as mine!!!! So cool, huh? Maybe our luck is turning around!!!!

Look at my little understudy!!! She saw me take his picture,
so she grabbed the other camera to take care of business also!!!

The Angry Nutcracker!!!

My kids don't get freaked out very easy, but they watched a Ghost Whisperer episode about dolls and since then, we've had a little problem. The problem isn't with dolls, it's with nutcrackers. Tyler LOVES nutcrackers and last year, he got this HUGE nutcracker.

Look how big it is in comparison to our couch!!!

He's had it in his room since last Christmas. It was never a problem until they saw that scary episode of Ghost Whisperer and now Mr. Nutcracker has to stay in closets and facing the wall wherever he is. They scare each other with the gigantic nutcracker IF they dare to touch him!!!! It's so funny to get in my closet to get dressed in the morning and that huge thing is hiding in my clothes because the kids can't handle him anymore. Well today, Cambelle came to me with this Scottish nutcracker and said, "Mom, this nutcracker is ANGRY"!!! I stared at him for a while, trying to figure out what was so creepy about him.


I thought maybe my kids had got to me with the "freaky nutcracker" thing and that's when I saw it.... his mustache is on his eyebrows!!! I laughed sooo hard!!!!


Cambelle had been playing with him, obviously his mustache fell off and she decided to mess with him a little!!!!! Leave it to my kid to make my day!!!!

Dear Santa:

Dear Santa,
For Christmas, I would like a new water pump for my Tahoe. I know they are a lot of money, but I have robbed as many banks as I can this year. I promise, I have been a good girl this year (please just don't read ANY of my blog posts)!!!

Love,
Hopie!!!

P.S. I still believe in you!!! And did I mention that I have been a good girl this year?

Yep, I'm in trouble!!!

It's not the first time I've been in trouble, nor the last, I'm sure. I accepted a new calling tonight, I'm not supposed to say anything, but I can tell you, I know you wont tell anyone. They want me to be the .............................................................................
Oh, come on now, you didn't think I would give that easy, did you? Stay tuned until Sunday and I'll spill the beans, that's IF I don't get apposed!!!! Don't laugh, it happened to my sister that acts JUST LIKE ME!!!!!

Am I in trouble????

Bro. Christensen called me yesterday to tell me that the Bishop wants to meet with me tonight. I'm sure it's about a calling, but do you ever get that feeling like you're being called into the Principal's office? Not that I would know what that is like. It's not like I got called into the Principal's office almost every week of my middle school years or anything!!! So, knowing that Randy would know why I am being called in tonight, I naturally asked him why and he wouldn't say A WORD. Not a single word. He played dumb at first then he reminded me that he couldn't talk to me about stuff like that. So then I yelled at him and called him a chicken and yes, I felt better. This week, he just got a promotion at work and his boss told him not to say anything until it became official, so he didn't even tell me!!!!!! Can you believe THAT? He came home on Friday and told me he was going to be taking on more responsibility at work and that he had known for a while and not told me!!!! GEESH!!!!! So, if you ever have a secret you need to tell someone and need to know they'll keep it to themselves, Randy's the man. He wont break, even under pressure. I guess some of us have to be that way!!!! Well, wish me luck tonight!!!!

Christmas letters!!!

I just finished our Christmas letters for this year. It was hard because it was like, "we got sick this month, he got hurt this month, then they got sick again, then I had to have a surgery, ect...." (said in a very monotone and boring voice). I re-wrote it several times before I came up with one that I was pleased with. It's never been that hard, but GEESH!!!!! This has NOT been a normal year!!!! If you don't usually get a Christmas letter from us but want one this year, just leave your address in the message box and wait by your mailbox!!! Every letter comes with a complimentary picture of my family!!! How exciting is THAT???? Now, I'm off to read the cards and letters we have got this weekend!!!!

That's what it's all about....

After doing the Santa pictures on the last post, I wanted to counter them with a picture of something that really touched me. Cambelle and I were home alone the other day, setting up Christmas decorations and talking about every single one as we put it up for display. When it came to the Fisher Price Little People Nativity, I let her set it up by herself. I told her which shelf to put it on and told her to display them the way they think they should be. This is what I saw when she was done.


When I asked her about it, she said, "those wise men went so far to see Baby Jesus that I think they want to look at him and nothing else". I have to agree with her. I love how she already "gets it". Something similar happened a few years back when we were hanging our ornaments on the tree and when we were done, I realized that Tyler had faced all his ornaments facing the tree. When I told him that we couldn't see any of their faces, he replied, "Well, they want to look at the pretty tree too!!!". Now, I don't tell them which way to face the ornaments on the tree.

For Activity Days last week, I had them write their names on a paper and then we wrapped it and put it under our trees as the gift to Jesus. I talked to them about giving themselves to Jesus for Christmas. One of the best presents we can give to Heavenly Father and Jesus Christ is ourselves. If we all try just a little harder everyday to be a better person, I think that would be the best present ever. A few days after that activity, I was talking about presents and Cambelle piped up, "Remember mom? We're giving ourselves to Jesus!!! That the kind of present that is really important". It took me by surprise, but ohhhhh how proud I was of her. I hope my kids understand why we celebrate this wonderful holiday. The gifts are fun, but the reason for the holiday is so much more then that.

Pictures of Santas past....

I was looking for a specific picture of our kids with Santa. The one I'm trying to find is soooo funny. Tyler is pretty freaked out by pretty much anyone dressed as a character. Santa is the WORST!!!! One year, he freaked out sooo bad. The cute lady was waiting till he calmed down, I informed her that would not be happening, and just to take the picture. It's one of my favorite pictures of all time. I will find it, but until then, I decided to put on some of the other pictures we've had taken with Santa!!!

Brrrr....

Ok, so there's more than one reason I live in Southern Utah. But, one of the BIG reasons is because I'm a baby when it comes to being cold. I have been pampered my whole life, flip flops and t-shirts in December, that's how I roll. Golf and tennis all winter long (not that I play, but it's fun to see others enjoying those sports)and you wont ever find a snow shovel at my house. See what I mean... BABIED!!!! Well, this morning was 20 degrees at my house. That's right.... 20. I didn't run right out with thermometer in hand to check the accuracy of the weatherman, I just trusted that he was right. I have a big problem with it being that cold. When it's cold, I want to snuggle up in my denim quilt that Anna made for me for Christmas last year
(yes, it has a pink backing and a huge "H" on it!!!)
and do NOTHING.

I do NOT want to look like a smoke-breathing dragon when I go outside... EVER!!!! I get chilly if it dips below 70 degrees. So, JACK FROST, take it back and take it back RIGHT NOW!!!! I don't need the cold and frankly, it makes me crankier than normal (which is down right awful).

Oh, and by the way... Happy Holidays y'all!!!

Faithfully we will go....

This is my handsome husband on his way to one of his various church meetings. I know I am so blessed to be married to a man that honors his priesthood and serves his calling faithfully and with diligence, but that doesn't mean that I'm not going to complain occasionally. He was at the church for over 10 hours yesterday. Neither one of us knew how long he was going to be, or the kids and I would have gone to Hurricane without him. Instead, we waited for HOURS for him to get home with the kids asking me every 10 minutes when daddy was coming home. I have never heard him grumble about serving. I think he sees the big picture better then I do. Like I said, I am not ungrateful, I know how lucky I am to have a husband like that, but it gets to be a little much sometimes. Sorry if that shocks you that I would be the type to express what a lot of people wont (you should know better by now)!!! I am human and that is my rant!!!! Yes, I feel better!!! AMEN!!!

Dear Mr. President...

Dear Mr. President,

This is my nephew, Chuck. He is married to my niece, Brittney. Since this picture was taken, they have had another cute little boy. I know Chuck looks really cute in camouflage, but PLEASE, I am begging you, PLEASE don't send him overseas again. It was hard last time, but this time would be so much worse. I just don't think our family can handle it right now.

Sincerely,

A loving Aunt.