The Clyde Family

The Clyde Family

Monday, October 19, 2009

On the mend

This weekend has been a memorable one, but one I would like to forget. I am feeling sooooo much better physically. My back is still feeling like I'm having back labor, probably from the medicine they give me to make my uterus contract. I will be calling the doctor in a minute to see if there is anything I can do to make it feel better. Now, if I could lasso my emotions, then we'd all be good. Randy's having a hard time with emotions also. I figure it's because he doesn't have the physical pain, like I do, to detract from the emotional stuff. I like that my husband is a sensitive person, but it is a double edged sword in situations like this.

We have been so blessed with so much support from family, friends and neighbors. Our neighbors, the Rindlisbacher's, have been through some of the hardest times I can ever imagine and the other night they brought a basket of goodies over. In that basket is a book called Tear Soup, A Recipe For Healing by Pat Schwiebert and Chuck DeKlyen. It was exactly what I needed to read. It is a book about sympathy and compassion. It is really great for anyone dealing with any kind of loss. It's in kid book format, so, it's a super easy read. I would recommend it to anyone having a hard time right now.



I am trying to get a handle on the emotional side of things. I know that everything happens for a reason and that it's a bonus that we know now that we can get pregnant, but the emptiness I am feeling is still hard to deal with. One thing that is really tearing me up is the lack of care from certain key people. People that I have been there for so many times, people that I expect to be there to hold me up and show support are all of a sudden..... GONE. Are they going through something big that I don't know about that would explain their absence? Do they not know what to say? I think a call or even acknowledging what has gone on would be sufficient. I don't understand and I'm afraid when they finally do pull their heads out of their butts, I'm not going to be nice. I need to figure out how to not let it affect me. It's not to discount how much love and compassion has been shown to us, but there are some family members and those that we are super close to that are killing me by not recognizing our pain. Am I being a pouty pants about it? Yes. Do I wish I could just forget about it? Yes. Until then, I will blog my feelings and hopefully get feeling better about it. My sweet friend sent me a link to a blog about what to say when your loved ones are struggling. THIS BLOG tells some things that are appropriate to say in these situations when you don't know what else to say. Thanks for that link!!!

Anyhow, I'm rambling now. Overall, I think we're on the mend. We have to wait for me to have one period and then we'll be back in the baby making business again!!!! We can handle that part!!! So, again, THANK YOU for the support and encouragement. I feel like there are angels all around me, helping when I feel like I am totally in the dark. I appreciate every one's love, support and compassion so much.

8 comments:

The Childs said...

Hope, some people will never get it no matter how close you are to them and no matter how many times you have helped them out. They might be going through something big also, but you are too and they should be there for you. It is not easy to forget about the way they are treating you and move on, but that is ultimately what has to happen. I'm so glad to hear you are doing better. Let your emotions out for as long as you need to. It takes time to heal and there is no limit on the amount you need. Thank you for sharing your story.

Amy said...

Hopie, your family is in my thoughts and prayers. I'm sending a big cyber-hug your way!

Clark Family said...

Don't ever hold on to those emotions because it will eat you up inside. Just tell them how you feel and get it out so you can move on. I love you to death and know that this is all happening for a reason even if the reason is not understood for a long time. You are the best. Hang in there and time will heal your wound.

Kristie said...

You guys are so strong...sometimes people don't know what to say so they "stay" away until they "think" that it is all better...however, this doesn't justify things or make your feel better about it, but do remember that there are people who love and care about you and are here when and if you need us! We love you guys and are glad that you loved that book...its one of my favorites!

Malea said...

My first miscarriage, when I was about 15 weeks along, my sister in law had one two weeks later from mine when she was 20 weeks. The baby was born dead and weighed 1 1/2 lbs. We all had a chance to hold him. It was really hard. But while we were all together, holding my sister in law's hand, and comforting her, my mother in law told me, Oh Malea, this one is so much harder than yours was. WTFreak??? When I had the miscarriage, I had a wonderful and supportive husband, but that was it. No phone calls from family, no neighbors or even visiting teachers. I comforted myself with several movies and very expensive ice cream. Then I prayed. It was hard to pray without cussing. I begged for help from my Heavenly Father, so one day it came to me to call up an old friend that I had met while in Russia. We had not seen each other or talked in a while, she didn't know what I was going through. But as it turned out, she had already had 4 miscarriages in a very short time. It was the best support that I could have asked for. Anyway, now I'm rambling. But I do empathize in a way. Love ya lot's!

Aleisha said...

I totally know how you feel. None of my family members have ever miscarried. So they don't know how it feels. I think it is something that people don't understand until they have experienced it. Jason's family was really supportive, even more than I expected. I was so scared that I wouldn't be able to get pregnant again but here I am.. 30 weeks pregnant now... :) Every week that I have been pregnant feels like a miracle. Keep Smiling and being yourself!! I love it. You really are an amazing person. I am always impressed by your kindness and the service you give. I love that you will blog your bad days too because we all have them!!! Some people are just too proud to admit it right??

Erin said...

Hang in there Hopie. I know exactly what you're feeling and it's so...empty. You're wise for blogging about your feelings. I think getting everything out is the best way to deal with things and feel better. It helped me so much to talk to other women who had had miscarriages. Made me feel a little more normal for feeling what I was feeling and helped me see that you will get past it and will be happy again. I'm so glad you don't have to wait long to try again! Focus on that for awhile. ;)

Smonkey Mama said...

I'm so sorry Hope! I could be a much better friend.... I have been going through some struggles that sometimes box me into my own little world. But, I want you to know that I know what you are going through too. When I lost my baby, I felt SO alone and yet there were those around me who supported me and tried to help the best way they knew how. I still felt such an emptiness. Even today I worry about miscarriage. Now I am nearly 26 weeks and I am so excited to have another one. I didn't think I would be able to get pregnant again. For a while I thought my body had given up on me. I am so excited for you that you get to try soon. Your babies are all beautiful and they have one of the best mommies I know!! I love you Hope!!